Two Kinds of Forgiveness with People

For Christians, there are two kinds of forgiveness. The first is unconditional and the other is conditional. Unconditional forgiveness is one sided. It is given by the one who has been offended, even if the offender does not seek forgiveness or cease his sinful ways. This one sided forgiveness may also keep others at a distance so as to mitigate further harm against us and to avoid their corrupting influence.[1] Unconditional forgiveness benefits us personally, for holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. It doesn’t work out very well for us. The second kind of forgiveness is conditional, as an agreement takes place between the one who has been hurt and the offender who seeks forgiveness and reconciliation. Conditional forgiveness not only releases the offender from his offense, but also restores the broken relationship. I liken these two kinds of forgiveness to the two kinds of grace found in Scripture: common grace and special grace. Common grace is the kindness God extends to all humanity which does not depend on the worthiness of the object or whether they know or love Him (Matt 5:45; Acts 14:17), and special grace is the blessings He gives to those who have trusted Christ as their Savior and are part of His family (Gal 3:26; Eph 2:8-9).

Unconditional Forgiveness

When Jesus was on the cross, He prayed for those who crucified Him, saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). From this passage we see that Jesus harbored no hatred toward His attackers who crucified Him. Certainly His attackers were operating on hatred and were not seeking forgiveness, yet Jesus asked the Father to forgive them. That’s unconditional love.[2] By His actions on the cross, Jesus modeled the love He taught His disciples, saying, “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28). Here is the pattern for the Christian who is to have a heart that is always ready to forgive those who give offense, even when they don’t ask for it or deserve it. Stephen understood this love for his enemies who sought to kill him, as it is written, “then falling to his knees, he cried out with a loud voice, saying, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them!’” (Acts 7:60). That’s unconditional forgiveness.

As Christians, God requires us to forgive others. Jesus said, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions” (Mark 11:25; cf., Luke 11:4).[3] According to Earl Radmacher, “To forgive is to release it to God, for all sin is ultimately against God and He alone has the right of vengeance (Rom 12:19). The believer’s experience of the Father’s forgiveness is dependent on his or her willingness to forgive.”^[4] John Grassmick states:

“Divine forgiveness toward a believer and a believer’s forgiveness toward others are inseparably linked because a bond has been established between the divine Forgiver and the forgiven believer (cf. Matt 18:21–35). One who has accepted God’s forgiveness is expected to forgive others just as God has forgiven him (Eph 4:32). If he does not, he forfeits God’s forgiveness in his daily life.”^[5]

In this way the believer fulfills Jesus’ directive to love our enemies (Luke 6:27-28). Failure to forgive others is a sin, and Jesus said, “if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matt 6:15). Failure to forgive others as God directs results in a break in our temporal familial fellowship with Him. Fellowship with God is restored when we confess our sin of unforgiveness and obey His directive to forgive the other person. If we confess our sins to God, but do not forgive others, we’re quickly out of fellowship again and possibly subject to divine discipline if we fail to correct our sinful behavior.

As mentioned earlier, forgiving a person does not mean subjecting ourselves to their ongoing harmful ways. It’s valid to protect ourselves from those who would cause us harm. Paul wrote to his friend, Timothy, about a man who harmed him, saying, “Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm” (2 Tim 4:14a). I’m sure Paul harbored no hatred toward the man, but neither was he open to getting hurt again, and even warned his friend, Timothy, saying, “Be on guard against him yourself, for he vigorously opposed our teaching” (2 Tim 4:15). Paul did not state what the specific harm was, but clearly he’d been marked by his encounter with Alexander and carried the memory of the hurt. As a Christian, Paul did not seek personal vengeance against Alexander, but rather, put the matter in the Lord’s hands, saying, “the Lord will repay with him according to his deeds” (2 Tim 4:14b).[6] Because God is the one who dispenses justice, we are commanded, “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom 12:19). Paul wrote, “it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6), and he knew God would deal with Alexander in His own time and way and that the punishment would be equitable payment for the harm done to him. It’s okay to be hurt, but never to hate.

Conditional Forgiveness

Conditional forgiveness has a give-and-take dynamic and depends on certain conditions being fulfilled by the offender who has stopped causing harm, confessed his sin to us, and seeks reconciliation. When this happens, we are to forgive and let him back into our lives, assuming they’ve corrected their bad behavior. Jesus said, “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4). This is an amazing statement, for if the offender repeats the same sin over and over, presumably against us, our first order is to rebuke that person for their sin. And if the person who keeps repeating the same sin comes to us, even seven times in  a day, and says, “I repent”, then each time, we are to forgive him. Forgive. That’s the directive. This kind of forgiveness requires faith, for it will never be accomplished by feelings. Jesus’ apostles understood this and “said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’” (Luke 17:5). Forgiveness is an act of faith. When we forgive others, we are obeying the directive to “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph 4:32).

To forgive shows that we are obedient to God and trust that He will administer any justice if needed. There’s no place for revenge in the heart of God’s people.[7] Warren Wiersbe states, “True forgiveness always involves pain; somebody has been hurt and there is a price to pay in healing the wound. Love motivates us to forgive, but faith activates that forgiveness so that God can use it to work blessings in the lives of His people.”^[8] He further states:

“We must be in the habit of forgiving, for others might sin against us seven times a day—or even seventy times seven! (Matt 18:21ff). No one is likely to commit that much sin in one day, but this use of hyperbole emphasized the point Jesus was making: do not enumerate the sins of others, for love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Cor 13:4–6). We should always be ready to forgive others, for one day we may want them to forgive us!”^[9]

For Christians, forgiving others does not mean forgetting, for the experience cannot be undone. Nor does it mean exposing ourselves to further hurt if the offender continues to act wickedly and cause harm. We can and should avoid unnecessary suffering when possible (see Psa 26:4-5; Prov 20:19; 22:24; 24:21; 1 Cor 5:11; 2 Th 3:14; 2 Tim 4:14-15). Nor does it mean that the offender, if they’ve committed a crime, does not have to pay for it before a court of law, as legal authorities are obligated to arrest the offender and seek justice. Human courts are ordained by God and have been granted the power to punish, even to death, those who are lawbreakers, “for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil” (Rom 13:4).[10]

In summary, there are two types of forgiveness for Christians in relation to others: unconditional forgiveness and conditional forgiveness. Unconditional forgiveness involves forgiving others regardless of whether they ask for it or cease their sinful ways. God requires us to forgive others, and failure to forgive results in a break in fellowship with God. Conditional forgiveness, on the other hand, is extended to an offender who has stopped causing harm, confessed his sin, and seeks reconciliation with the one who has been hurt. This type of forgiveness requires faith and is not based on feelings. Forgiveness is done in obedience to God. Furthermore, forgiving others does not mean forgetting or exposing ourselves to further harm if the offender continues to act wickedly. Lastly, we are to love everyone, pray for those who mistreat us, harbor no hatred, seek no retribution, and maintain a heart that is ready to forgive.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

Related Articles:

• The Gospel Explained
• Free Grace Salvation
• Two Kinds of Forgiveness with God 
• The Cross & Crucifixion of Jesus
• Restoring Fellowship with God  
• When a Believer Perpetually Sins  
• Divine Discipline for the Christian  
• Walking with God
• Enjoying the Spiritual Life
• Biblical Self-Talk
• Knowing and Doing the Will of God
• The High Calling of God’s Servant
• The Life of Faith
• The Righteous Lifestyle of the Believer
• The Armor of God

[1] There are people committed to a lifestyle of sin who will cause us harm and teach us bad ways if we associate with them. Scripture tells us, “do not associate with a gossip” (Prov 20:19), and “do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man” (Prov 22:24), and “do not associate with rebels” (Prov 24:21). Paul said to Christians in Corinth, “I wrote to you not to associate with anyone who calls himself a Christian who is sexually immoral, or greedy, or an idolater, or verbally abusive, or a drunkard, or a swindler. Do not even eat with such a person” (1 Cor 5:11). And in his letter to the Christians in Thessalonica, Paul wrote, “If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that person and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame” (2 Th 3:14). David wrote, “I do not associate with deceitful men, or consort with those who are dishonest. I hate the mob of evil men, and do not associate with the wicked” (Psa 26:4-5). The wicked are to be avoided, for they “are like the tossing sea, which cannot rest, and its waters toss up refuse and mud” (Isa 57:20).

[2] Peter tells us how Jesus handled the injustice against Him, saying, “while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Pet 2:23).

[3] The word forgive (ἀφίημι aphiemi) is in the imperative mood, which means it’s a command to be obeyed. This is accomplished by faith as an act of the will, and not by feelings, which might get in the way of forgiveness.

^[4] Earl D. Radmacher, Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House, Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary (Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999), 1230.

^[5] John D. Grassmick, “Mark,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 159.

[6] The word “repay” translates the Greek verb apodidomi (ἀποδίδωμι), which means to give up, give back, or repay. The verb is in the future tense and anticipates imminent action by the Lord, who always dispenses the proper judgment at the proper time. As Christians, we are never called to seek revenge upon those who have hurt us, but rather, to put the matter in the Lord’s hands. Scripture teaches that God repays people according to their actions, as David writes, “For You [God] recompense a man according to his work” (Psa 62:12b; cf. Prov 24:12; Jer 15:15), and to the Christians at Thessalonica, Paul wrote, “it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6).

[7] The Lord said, “You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD” (Lev 19:18). The apostle Paul said, “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people” (1 Th 5:15). Peter wrote, “All of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Pet 3:8-9). Solomon wrote, “He who returns evil for good, evil will not depart from his house” (Prov 17:13). He also wrote, “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil;’ wait for the LORD, and He will save you” (Prov 20:22).

^[8] Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary, vol. 1 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1996), 243.

^[9] Ibid., 243.

[10] Of course, we realize that most crimes in this world go unpunished by human courts; therefore, we must appeal to the supreme court of heaven and leave the matter with God. Whether God forgives that person is a matter for the Lord to decide. God is “the Judge of all the earth” (Gen 18:25), and He “is a righteous judge, and a God who has indignation every day” (Psa 7:11). He will dispense justice in His time and way, whether directly or through human courts, in time or eternity. As for us, we are to love our enemies, pray for those who mistreat us, harbor no hatred, seek no retribution, and have a heart that is always ready to forgive. That’s not easy, but it’s right, according to God’s Word.