Faith, Obedience, and the Lord’s Approval

Posted on November 4, 2025 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Paul’s ambition in life was to please the Lord. He wrote, “Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him” (2 Cor 5:9). The conjunction “therefore” (dio) ties this to the preceding discussion about the believer’s confidence in the future resurrection body (2 Cor 5:1-8). Because Paul knew he would one day stand before Christ (2 Cor 5:10), his present motivation was shaped by eternal realities. The word translated “ambition” (philotimeomai) means “to have as one’s ambition, consider it an honor, aspire to” (BDAG, 1059). For Paul, the driving goal of life was not wealth, status, or comfort, but the honor of pleasing Christ. His phrase “whether at home or absent” refers to being alive in the body or departed from it, showing that Paul’s desire to please the Lord was not bound to earthly circumstances but transcended life and death. The expression “to be pleasing to Him” (euarestos autō) conveys the idea of living in a way that the Lord delights in Paul’s conduct.

This emphasis on living in a manner that is euarestos to God is not unique to Paul’s statement in 2 Corinthians. The adjective euarestos consistently describes what is “well-pleasing” or “acceptable” to God. Believers are called to present their bodies as living sacrifices, “holy, acceptable to God” (Rom 12:1), and to discern His will, “that which is good and acceptable and perfect” (Rom 12:2). Service to Christ is likewise “acceptable to God and approved by men” (Rom 14:18). Paul urged the Ephesians to test “what is pleasing to the Lord” (Eph 5:10), and he commended the Philippians for their gift, “a fragrant aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well-pleasing to God” (Phil 4:18). Children who obey their parents act in a way that “is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Col 3:20). The writer of Hebrews prayed that God would equip His people to do “that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ” (Heb 13:21). Together these passages reveal that what is euarestos to God touches worship, obedience, service, generosity, and daily conduct.

Paul’s ambition to be well-pleasing to the Lord was tied to faith. Just two verses earlier he declared, “for we walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Cor 5:7). Faith is the governing principle of the Christian life, and without it one cannot please God. The writer of Hebrews affirms this, saying, “But My righteous one shall live by faith” (Heb 10:38) and again, “without faith it is impossible to please Him” (Heb 11:6a). Faith is not blind optimism but informed trust in God’s directives and promises as revealed in His Word. Such faith expresses itself in submission to God’s will. Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments” (John 14:15), and again, “If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them” (John 13:17). Obedience is the natural hallmark of faith that takes God at His Word and acts upon it (Jam 1:22). Moreover, Paul’s ambition was fueled by the recognition of future accountability. He wrote, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ” (2 Cor 5:10). This coming evaluation and the prospect of reward gave urgency to his pursuit of living in a manner that pleased the Lord (1 Cor 3:12-15).

Paul’s ambition was intensely practical. To please the Lord meant living a life of faith-driven obedience to Scripture with the recognition that all believers will one day give an account before Christ. Anything less is playing games with the Christian life. Paul’s example calls every believer to adopt the same ambition—to walk by faith, obey God’s Word, and live with an eternal perspective, seeking the commendation of the One whose judgment truly matters.

Example of Faith in Action

Suppose someone mistreats you—perhaps speaking harshly, criticizing unfairly, or attempting to undermine you. The natural response might be to retaliate, defend yourself harshly, or nurture resentment. But the Lord calls His people to a different standard, one that reflects His character and honors His Word. Jesus taught, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt 5:44). Paul wrote, “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God” (Rom 12:17-19). Likewise, Peter exhorted believers, “not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead” (1 Pet 3:9). These passages make clear that God’s will in such moments is not retaliation but responding in grace—choosing forgiveness, showing kindness, and entrusting the matter to His justice.

When a believer obeys in this way, it demonstrates faith. It shows that you are governed by God’s Word more than your emotions, that you believe His promises about justice and reward, and that you desire His approval above the fleeting satisfaction of revenge. Remember, “without faith it is impossible to please Him” (Heb 11:6). Thus, choosing to forgive and respond with kindness—even when wronged—is an act of faith-driven obedience. It pleases the Lord because it reflects His own mercy, honors His commands, and demonstrates that your ambition is truly to please Him rather than to gratify the flesh. In this way, a conflict becomes an opportunity to live out 2 Corinthians 5:9. That quiet, unseen choice is of great worth to the Lord.

Steven R. Cook, D.Min., M.Div.

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Judicial and Familial Forgiveness with God

Posted on September 29, 2025 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

In the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus instructs His disciples to petition, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matt 6:12). Following the prayer, He clarifies the principle: “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matt 6:14–15). The audience is unmistakably believers, for Jesus speaks of God as their “Father.” Thus, the forgiveness in view is not forensic but relational, not judicial but familial.

Scripture distinguishes two categories of divine forgiveness. The first is judicial forgiveness, wherein God acts as Judge toward the unbeliever. At the moment of faith in Christ, the sinner receives full and final pardon, past, present, and future, so that the eternal penalty of sin is removed once for all (John 3:16; Acts 10:43; Rom 8:1; Eph 1:7; Col 2:13–14). According to Constable, “There is judicial forgiveness that every person experiences when he or she trusts in Christ as Savior (Rom 5:1). God will never condemn believers in Christ to eternal damnation for their sins, because they trust in His Son (Rom 8:1).”^[1] This act of grace grants eternal life, secures the believer’s standing in God’s righteousness, and guarantees immunity from condemnation (John 5:24). Because it rests entirely upon the finished work of Christ, judicial forgiveness is irrevocable and unrepeatable.

The second category is familial forgiveness, wherein God acts as Father toward His children. Unlike judicial forgiveness, this does not concern eternal salvation but fellowship. Sin never dissolves the believer’s union with Christ, yet it does grieve the Spirit (Eph 4:30) and rupture communion with God. Familial forgiveness is restored when the believer confesses sin (1 John 1:9), acknowledging disobedience and submitting afresh to the Father’s will. Professor Hodges states, “What is considered in 1 John 1:9 may be described as ‘familial’ forgiveness. It is perfectly understandable how a son may need to ask his father to forgive him for his faults while at the same time his position within the family is not in jeopardy.”^[2] Such confession does not re-secure salvation but re-establishes experiential fellowship, renewing intimacy with God and refreshing the soul. Hoyt states:

“The daily forgiveness of those who are within the family of God is distinguished from judicial and positional forgiveness which was applied forensically to all of a person’s sins the moment he believed in the Lord Jesus Christ. Paul writes of this forensic forgiveness in Colossians 2:13: “And you, being dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, hath he quickened together with him, having forgiven you all trespasses.” The point Paul makes is that the believer is completely forgiven legally before the sin is even committed. The question that arises concerning a believer’s sins is between the Father and a son, and not between a judge and a criminal [italics his].”^[3]

It is this latter forgiveness that Jesus addresses in the Lord’s Prayer. An unforgiving spirit is itself sinful, for Christ commands His followers to forgive as they have been forgiven (Matt 18:21–35; Eph 4:32; Col 3:13). When believers refuse to extend forgiveness, they forfeit experiential fellowship with God until they repent of hardness of heart. In such cases, the Father withholds familial forgiveness, not as judicial punishment but as loving discipline designed to restore obedience and relational harmony (Heb 12:5–11).

The principle Jesus sets forth is plain: those who have received immeasurable forgiveness at salvation are obligated to extend forgiveness in daily life. Judicial forgiveness secures the believer’s eternal standing, while familial forgiveness maintains communion with the Father. Failure to forgive never jeopardizes one’s position in Christ, but it does ensure that fellowship remains broken until grace toward others is extended in the same measure it has been received.

Steven R. Cook, D.Min., M.Div.

If this article has enriched your understanding and walk with Christ, and you feel led to support my ministry, your generosity is greatly appreciated. Your gifts enable me to continue sharing the gospel of grace and providing in-depth biblical teachings. Thank you for partnering with me in this mission.

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^[1] Tom Constable, Tom Constable’s Expository Notes on the Bible (Galaxie Software, 2003), Ps 51:19.

^[2] Zane C. Hodges, “1 John,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 886.

^[3] Samuel L. Hoyt, “The Judgment Seat of Christ in Theological Perspective Part 1: The Judgment Seat of Christ and Unconfessed Sins,” Bibliotheca Sacra 137 (1980): 38.

Vertical and Horizontal Confession

Posted on July 31, 2025 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Biblically speaking, there are two kinds of confession: vertical confession to God and horizontal confession to people. Vertical confession is a private matter between us and the Lord. The forgiveness we seek in this instance is familial, not judicial. Judicial forgiveness refers to God’s once-for-all act of pardoning all our sins at the moment of faith in Christ, securing our eternal standing as justified believers (John 5:24; Rom 3:28; 8:1). Familial forgiveness, on the other hand, concerns the ongoing restoration of our fellowship with God as our heavenly Father when we confess our post-salvation sins (1 John 1:9).

As Christians, when we sin, we break fellowship with God (1 John 1:5–7). What is lost is not our salvation—which remains secure and permanent (John 10:28)—but fellowship. Sin grieves the Holy Spirit (Eph 4:30), violates God’s righteous standard (1 John 3:4), and leaves us functioning according to the sin nature (1 Cor 3:1–3). Yet God, in His grace, has provided a simple and powerful means for us to receive familial forgiveness and be restored to fellowship and the filling of the Holy Spirit: confession. God promises, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9; cf. Psa 32:5).

Confession is simple: we name the sin to God—without excuses, without bargaining, and without dramatic performances. No crawling across the floor. No endless weeping to prove we mean it. We are simply honest with God. At the moment we confess, forgiveness is granted, cleansing takes place, and fellowship between the Father and His child is restored. This happens whether we feel different or not. God said that if we confess our sins to Him, “He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Faith is to trust God at His Word. He said it; He will do it. He cannot lie. We accept His forgiveness by faith, not by feelings.

In divine forgiveness, God may sometimes eliminate the consequences of sin, but not always. In His grace and sovereignty, God may choose to remove or lessen the consequences as part of His mercy, as seen in the case of David’s sin with Bathsheba (2 Sam 12:13). However, there are instances when the natural consequences of sin remain, even after forgiveness, because they serve a purpose in God’s discipline and our spiritual growth. For example, while David was forgiven, the death of his child still occurred as a result of his sin (2 Sam 12:14). This demonstrates that while God forgives and restores fellowship, the consequences of sin may still be part of His disciplinary process. Likewise, in 1 Corinthians 11:32, Paul writes that God disciplines believers for their sins so that they will not be condemned with the world, indicating that God’s discipline often serves as a means of sanctification. The key distinction is that while God’s forgiveness restores our fellowship with Him, the consequences, if not removed, remain part of the process of sanctification (Jam 1:2-4) or divine discipline (Heb 12:6).

The second kind of confession is horizontal: confession to people. This is a relational issue between human beings. When we sin against someone—whether by lying, stealing, slandering, or deceiving—we have not only offended God but also injured our neighbor. Jesus taught that before we waltz down the center aisle with our offerings, we need to go make things right with our brother (Matt 5:23-24). James also emphasizes the importance of confession among believers when he writes, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed” (Jam 5:16), highlighting the role of mutual honesty and prayer in maintaining spiritual health within the body of Christ. Confession to people involves humbly admitting the wrong, asking for forgiveness, and making restitution when necessary. And importantly, we keep the confession limited to the person we sinned against. There is no need to turn it into a public spectacle; we address it directly and appropriately. Horizontal confession promotes peace, restores relationships, and prevents bitterness from taking root and growing into spiritual cancer (Heb 12:15). Sometimes the right moment for confession is immediate; other times, it requires prayerful patience and wisdom. We cannot control the other person’s response, but we are responsible for confessing when necessary, trusting God with the outcome.

A Difference in Outcome

Vertical and horizontal confession are both biblical, but they differ in direction, purpose, and outcome. Vertical confession is directed to God alone and always results in forgiveness, cleansing, and restoration of fellowship (1 John 1:9). God is faithful and unchanging—His grace never fails. We confess. He forgives. Period. Horizontal confession, on the other hand, is directed toward people whom we have wronged. It is relational, and its purpose is to seek reconciliation and peace within the human sphere (Matt 5:23–24; Jam 5:16). But unlike God, people are not always ready to forgive. Sometimes they respond with grace and reconciliation; other times with silence, anger, or rejection. The outcomes of horizontal confession are uncertain and dependent on the will of the other person. With God, the issue is always resolved when we confess; with people, we obey God by confessing, but we entrust the results to Him. Our responsibility is honesty, humility, and obedience; the other person’s response is between them and the Lord.

Conclusion

In conclusion, both vertical and horizontal confession play crucial roles in the believer’s life, but they serve different purposes and yield different outcomes. Vertical confession restores our fellowship with God and secures forgiveness, as it is based on His unchanging faithfulness (Psa 32:5; 1 John 1:9). This process is always certain, for God’s forgiveness is not contingent upon our feelings or external circumstances. Horizontal confession, however, is a relational matter that seeks reconciliation with others and healing within the body of Christ (Matt 5:23–24; Jam 5:16). While God is always ready to forgive, people may not always respond with the same grace, and the outcomes are not guaranteed. Nonetheless, whether confessing to God or to others, our responsibility remains the same: to confess honestly, humbly, and with a sincere desire for reconciliation, trusting God with the outcome, whether or not the consequences of our sin are removed.

Steven R. Cook, D.Min., M.Div.

If this article has enriched your understanding and walk with Christ, and you feel led to support my ministry, your generosity is greatly appreciated. Your gifts enable me to continue sharing the gospel of grace and providing in-depth biblical teachings. Thank you for partnering with me in this mission.

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The Ideal Man

Posted on July 14, 2025 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Biblically, the ideal man is not autonomous but God-dependent. He is not ruled by selfish pride but shaped by humility, truth, and obedience to God. He devotes himself to the study of God’s Word (Psa 1:2; 2 Tim 2:15)—not merely to gain knowledge, but to know the Author and live wisely. He chooses wise friends and avoids fools (Prov 13:20). With a heart inclined toward obedience, he treasures Scripture as a lamp to his feet and a light to his path (Psa 119:105). He doesn’t separate theology from life but seeks to apply biblical truth to his thinking, relationships, work, and worship (Jam 1:22-25). For him, Bible doctrine is fuel for devotion, direction, and transformation. His convictions are rooted in truth, and his worldview is shaped by divine revelation, not cultural trends. If he leads in business, sports, or the military, he does so as a servant-leader—exercising authority with integrity, humility, and a view to the good of others (Mark 10:42-45).

He is a man who fears the Lord and walks in His ways (Psa 128:1). He is both strong and submissive—strong in character, yet submitted to God’s authority. He doesn’t worship himself but worships God with reverence and love (Deut 6:5). He doesn’t demand his own way but seeks the will of God above his own (Luke 22:42). At the heart level, he is marked by humility (Mic 6:8), gratitude for grace (Col 3:15), and confidence in God’s faithfulness (Prov 3:5-6). His identity is anchored in who God declares him to be—not in fleeting feelings or worldly achievements. He honors his parents (Ex 20:12; Eph 6:2) and makes personal sacrifices to care for them in their old age (Mark 7:10-13; 1 Tim 5:4). If married, he is committed to love, lead, and protect his wife (Eph 5:25-29; Col 3:19; 1 Pet 3:7); and if he has children, he raises them to love and obey the Lord (Eph 6:4; Deut 6:6-7; Prov 22:6).

His life reflects these attitudes in concrete behaviors. He is slow to anger (Prov 19:11) and quick to forgive (Eph 4:32; Jam 1:19-20). He speaks the truth in love (Eph 4:15) and stewards his time, talents, and resources faithfully (1 Cor 4:2). He takes personal responsibility (Gal 6:5) and remains teachable (Prov 9:9). He serves others—not out of guilt or legalism, but out of freedom and love (Gal 5:13). He walks by faith, not by sight (2 Cor 5:7), and lives in light of eternity (2 Cor 4:17-18). Even in trials, he clings to hope, trusting that God is using every moment to shape him more into the image of Christ.

The one word that best summarizes the ideal man from a biblical perspective is Christlike. This term encompasses the full scope of godly masculinity—dependence on the Father, humility of heart, strength under control, sacrificial love, devotion to truth, servant leadership, and dedicated obedience (John 13:15; 1 Cor 11:1; Phil 2:5-8). The aim of spiritual maturity is to be “conformed to the image of His Son” (Rom 8:29), making Christ Himself the standard for true manhood. His life becomes a living testimony to truth, love, and grace, revealing the transforming power of God’s Word and the spiritual life in both public and private spheres.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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Why Rejection Hurts: And How to Deal with It

Posted on April 11, 2025 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Rejecting others and being rejected can be either right or wrong, depending on the motive and manner in which it is carried out. Biblically, there are times when rejection is necessary, such as protecting oneself from unwarranted harm or ungodly influence (Matt 7:6; 1 Cor 15:33). However, rejection becomes wrong when it is rooted in pride, prejudice, or a lack of compassion (Jam 2:1-9). I will address some healthy reasons for rejection at the end of this article, but first, I want to address the pain associated with wrongful rejection and how we can deal with it.

Why Rejection Hurts

Rejection hurts, and there’s a reason for it. When we’re wrongfully rejected, something fundamental to our design feels violated. It’s not just a psychological inconvenience; it’s a disruption of a relational need wired into our humanity. From the very beginning, the Lord said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). From a biblical perspective, we understand that people are made in the image of God (Gen 1:27), and God Himself is relational—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in eternal fellowship (John 17:5, 24). When people wrongfully exclude us, ignore us, or turn their backs on us, something deep within us feels the pain. It’s not just a bruised ego—it’s the ache of a heart made for love, fellowship, and acceptance. Acceptance is linked to approval and a sense of belonging or security, especially in relationships that carry authority or influence. Barber notes:

The pain of rejection is very personal. It is also persistent and if not handled properly can have far-reaching effects on our lives. Rejection results from a denial of approval, affection, or recognition by an emotionally significant person or group. If we are unable to cope with our feelings of rejection adequately, they can undermine our sense of worth, corrode our confidence, and give rise to insecurity, helplessness, and frustration.^[1]

Isaiah tells us that Jesus “Was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; He was like someone people turned away from; He was despised” (Isa 53:3). The Lord Jesus knows the pain of rejection. Isaiah calls Him “a man of sorrows,” not because He was somber or gloomy, but because He carried the sorrows of a broken world—including the sorrow of being rejected. John tells us that Jesus “came to His own, and they did not receive Him” (John 1:11). By the end of His ministry, Jesus expressed sorrow over those He loved, yet they had rejected Him (Matt 23:37). According to Richards, “Jesus knew the pain of rejection, and the hurt of ridicule. Jesus knew feelings of abandonment and felt the anger of those whose hearts fed on hate. In all this, Jesus suffered.”^[2]

Rejection hurts—especially when it comes from someone we admire or respect, like a parent, teacher, or spiritual mentor. When people we look up to affirm us, it strengthens our sense of worth and stability. But when they withhold that affirmation—or worse, turn away—it can shake our confidence and stir up all kinds of emotional turmoil. If we’re not careful, rejection—real or imagined—can lead to resentment, bitterness, and a sinful pattern of self-protection that builds walls instead of bridges. But there’s a better way. Instead of feeding the hurt, we can bring our pain to the Lord and let Him carry the burden. He knows how to heal the wounds no one else sees. By faith, we can choose to respond—not with anger or coldness—but with grace, humility, and love. That’s exactly what Paul did. When everyone deserted him at his first defense (2 Tim 4:16), he didn’t lash out or hold a grudge. He simply said, “May it not be counted against them” (2 Tim 4:16b). That’s similar to the words of Jesus on the cross and Stephen when being stoned (Luke 23:34; Acts 7:60). Grace is stronger than resentment, and love leaves no room for bitterness.

How to Deal with Rejection

Rejection is a difficult part of life, and Christians, though loved and chosen by God, are not immune. Whether it’s personal rejection, ministry opposition, or simply being misunderstood, it can wound deeply. But Scripture provides us with solid, faith-driven ways to respond that are rooted in truth rather than emotion.

First, we must choose to live by faith, not by feelings. Rejection often stirs up emotions of worthlessness, fear, or resentment—but feelings are not reliable indicators of truth. Scripture calls us to “walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Cor 5:7), and that includes not walking by how we feel. Faith clings to what God has said, not what the world says or how the soul may tremble in the moment. When feelings shout “You’re not enough,” faith calmly replies, “I am accepted in the Beloved” (Eph 1:6). Faith is the key. As Christians, we live in a physical and spiritual realm at the same time. It is a dual reality. The Christian life involves living by faith in unseen realities while navigating a world that often hits hard in visible, physical, and emotionally bruising ways. When we experience human rejection, it happens in the physical world, and the pain is relational, social, emotional, physical, and personal. Rejection is often immediate and sensory, while the approval of God is eternal and spiritual, discerned by faith, and applied through His Word (2 Cor 5:7; Heb 11:1). God’s presence doesn’t always come with visible gestures or audible words. His smile is not on a face we can see—but it is real nonetheless, as communicated in the promises of Scripture.

This is where spiritual maturity finds its footing—not in the absence of pain, but in the resolve to interpret life through the lens of God’s Word rather than feelings or circumstances. The apostle Paul, for example, suffered physical beatings (2 Cor 11:23-28), social slander (2 Cor 6:8), and personal abandonment (2 Tim 4:16), yet he wrote with confidence, “Since God is for us, who is against us?” (Rom 8:31). He did not deny the pain but elevated the truth. God’s Word became more real to him than the chains on his wrists or the pain in his heart. As Christians, we must learn to apply Scripture to our situation, to bring the unseen reality of God’s acceptance and love into the very arena where human rejection stings. It’s a discipline of faith—a spiritual defiance against the tyranny of experience. God does not forget His people (Isa 49:15-16), and He does not fail to smile upon us (Num 6:25).

Second, we must seek the Lord in prayer. Samuel is a good example of someone who felt the sting of rejection, and handled it by means of prayer and divine viewpoint thinking. Samuel was a great leader and judge over Israel, but when he grew older, the elders of Israel gathered and said to him, “Behold, you have grown old, and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint a king for us to judge us like all the nations” (1 Sam 8:5). This was rejection, plain and simple—and it hurt. The text tells us, “But the thing was displeasing in the sight of Samuel” (1 Sam 8:6a). Yet Samuel acted wisely, as a mature believer, for we are told, “Samuel prayed to the LORD” (1 Sam 8:6b). Here is wisdom. God revealed to Samuel that the people’s rejection was not directed at him, but ultimately at the Lord, who told him, “They have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me from being king over them” (1 Sam 8:7). Barber notes, “This new perspective took the sting out of what had happened and kept Samuel from nursing a grievance. God’s words reassured him of his standing before Him.”^[3] Prayer allowed Samuel to bring his burden before the Lord and to cast his cares upon Him (1 Pet 5:6-7). This enabled Samuel to process the situation, address the injustice, and express his emotions honestly in the Lord’s presence. Rather than stew in anger, he entrusted the matter to God—and the Lord handled it. Even when others reject us, God remains. He has promised, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you” (Heb 13:5). The Lord walks with us, and He is for us (Rom 8:31).

Third, view rejection as an opportunity for spiritual growth. James tells us to “consider it all joy” when we encounter trials, for they produce endurance and maturity (Jas 1:2-4). Rejection can deepen our dependence on the Lord, refine our character, and focus our priorities. Paul wrote, “we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope” (Rom 5:3-4). This kind of response is done by faith and not feelings, as we frame the suffering—whether rejection or something else—from the divine perspective as something useful to the Lord to develop and shape us into the people He wants us to be. God wants us to grow up, not just grow old, and the trials of life are sometimes used as His vehicle to bring us where He wants, so that we are better and not bitter.

Fourth, we must respond with grace rather than bitterness. When others insult us, ignore us, or mistreat us, the natural response is to strike back, sulk, or stew in silent anger. But Jesus calls us to something higher, saying, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:28). That’s not weakness—it’s the strength of grace. When we bless instead of blast, when we pray instead of plot, we’re walking in the footsteps of our Savior. Peter reminds us that even when Jesus was unjustly treated, “He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Pet 2:23). Jesus didn’t need to defend Himself because He had already placed Himself in the care of the One who judges all things justly. This should be our pattern. When we’re wronged, we don’t have to carry the gavel—we can leave the judgment to God. Our part is to guard our hearts from the slow poison of bitterness. When we choose grace over a grudge, it not only honors the Lord, it keeps us free from the weight of anger, the burden of revenge, and the trap of self-pity. Anyone can return insult for insult, but only Spirit-filled believers can return good for evil (Rom 12:21). This honors the Lord and keeps our hearts free from the corrosion of resentment.

When Rejection is Valid

Rejection, at times, is not only valid, but deserved. If we’re living unwisely, acting like fools, stirring up strife, or harming others—whether through words, actions, or attitudes—it should come as no surprise when people take a few steps back. And honestly, they should. God has not called us to be victims of our own bad decisions, nor has He asked others to applaud our folly (Prov 14:7; 22:10). When people set healthy boundaries to guard their own spiritual, emotional, or even physical well-being from our arrogance or recklessness, they’re not being mean—they’re being wise (Prov 13:20; 27:12). Grace does not mean enabling sin, and love does not mean tolerating abuse. There’s a time to walk with someone—and a time to walk away (Eccl 3:5b).

There are times when rejection is not about someone else’s selfishness, but about our own need for correction. If we gossip, manipulate, lash out, or drain others with constant negativity or entitlement, it’s wisdom—not cruelty—when someone says, “No more.” That’s not rejection rooted in hatred or pride; it’s discernment born out of a love for peace and righteousness (Prov 22:10). Sometimes the wisest thing someone can do is step away. And we need to be mature enough to recognize that not all rejection is persecution. Some of it is wise preservation.

Personally, when I have been foolish (which has been many times), God has used rejection as a corrective tool to help shape my character, prune my pride, and teach me the value of humility, wisdom, and relational integrity. There have been numerous occasions where I’ve had to humble myself, admit my folly to others, accept the consequences of my actions, and seek forgiveness and restoration. That realization—painful as it is—can open the door to real change and healthier relationships.

In conclusion, rejection is painful, but it’s not purposeless. Whether it comes from others unjustly or results from our own folly, God can use it to teach, correct, and mature us. The key is how we respond. When we bring our wounds to the Lord, walk by faith in His Word, and choose grace over bitterness, rejection becomes a refining fire—not a consuming one. In God’s hands, even rejection can become transformative.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

If this article has enriched your understanding and walk with Christ, and you feel led to support my ministry, your generosity is greatly appreciated. Your gifts enable me to continue sharing the gospel of grace and providing in-depth biblical teachings. Thank you for partnering with me in this mission.

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^[1] Cyril J. Barber, The Books of Samuel: The Sovereignty of God Illustrated in the Lives of Samuel, Saul, and David, vol. One (Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock Publishers, 2003), 99.

^[2] Lawrence O. Richards, The Teacher’s Commentary (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1987), 1032.

^[3] Cyril J. Barber, The Books of Samuel, 103.

The Price of Forgiveness

Posted on January 25, 2025 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Forgiveness comes at a price. Though it may be offered freely to the offender, it always costs the giver something. The word “forgive” translates the Greek verb aphiemi (ἀφίημι), which means to let go, cancel, send away, or pardon. Forgiveness refers to the act of releasing someone from a debt or offense without demanding payment or retribution. For example, in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus told a parable about a king who had a servant who owed him a great debt of ten thousand talents (Matt 18:23-35). A talent was a unit of weight equal to 75 pounds, and the parable does not specify whether these were talents of silver or gold. If the debt were in silver, it would approximate 372 million dollars (at $31 an ounce); if in gold, it would be worth 32.4 billion dollars (at $2,700 an ounce). When the servant “did not have the means to repay” his debt (Matt 18:25), we are told, “the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt” (Matt 18:27). In Jesus’ parable, the king absorbed the loss, essentially forfeiting the massive amount of money owed to him and releasing the debtor from the obligation of repayment.

God Offers Forgiveness

God offers forgiveness to the entire human race who have sinned against Him. His forgiveness is possible because Jesus paid the overwhelming sin-debt we owed to God. Divine forgiveness is available to us because of the great price that Jesus paid when He was on the cross, when He died for the sins of the whole world (John 3:16; 1 John 2:2). Jesus’ death fully satisfied God’s righteous demands concerning our sin, for Jesus “Himself is the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world” (1 John 2:2; cd. Rom 3:24-26; 1 John 4:10). The word “propitiation” translates the Greek word hilasmos (ἱλασμός) means appeasement or satisfaction. What John is saying is that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross atoned for our sins in such a way that God’s anger was appeased by His death. The death of Christ was the sacrifice that satisfied the Father’s righteous demands concerning our sins.

The Price of Divine Forgiveness

Jesus paid the price for our sins. Divine forgiveness of sins is made possible because Christ has already paid the penalty for sin through His substitutionary death on the cross (1 Pet 2:24; 2 Cor 5:21). The blood of Christ was the coin of the heavenly realm that paid our sin-debt, as Peter wrote, “you were not redeemed with perishable things like silver or gold…but with precious blood, as of a lamb unblemished and spotless, the blood of Christ” (1 Pet 1:18-19). That was the price paid for our sins, and it was paid in full on the cross, where Jesus hung between heaven and earth. By believing in Christ, the sinner receives judicial forgiveness as a completed work, not as an ongoing process or conditional reward.

Christians who are already saved are instructed to confess their sins to God on a regular basis (1 John 1:9). This confession pertains to familial forgiveness, which restores fellowship with God as our Father after we have sinned. It is distinct from judicial forgiveness, which occurs as a single event when we trust in Christ and are declared righteous before God as Judge. Judicial forgiveness brings us into the family of God once and for all, while familial forgiveness is ongoing and restores our relational harmony with God (see my article: Two Kinds of Forgiveness with God).

God’s Forgiveness Must be Received

God’s forgiveness must be received by sinners, or the full benefits of the cross are not applied. Though Jesus died for everyone (John 3:16; 2 Cor 5:14-15; 1 Tim 2:5-6; 2 Pet 3:9; 1 John 2:2), the benefits of His work on the cross are applied only to those who believe in Him as Savior. We receive forgiveness of our sins at the moment we trust in Jesus as our Savior. Scripture states that “everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins” (Acts 10:43b; cf. Acts 13:38; 26:18; Col 1:14). The word “receives” translates the Greek verb lambanō (λαμβάνω), which means to receive, obtain, or take possession of something. The term often implies actively taking hold of something that is offered. In the context of Acts 10:43, the word indicates the reception of forgiveness is a gift from God, something made available through faith in Christ. God is satisfied with Jesus’ payment for our sins and He offers us total judicial forgiveness if we’ll accept His gracious terms and trust in Christ as our Savior.

Jesus is Our Example of Forgiveness

While on the cross, Jesus sought the forgiveness for those who crucified Him, praying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Despite His suffering, Jesus displayed a forgiving attitude toward those who hated Him, lied about Him, mistreated Him, and crucified Him. His offenders were not seeking His forgiveness, yet He was willing to give it. By asking the Father to forgive those involved in His crucifixion—including the religious leaders, citizens, and soldiers—Jesus extended grace to His enemies and modeled His own teaching to love and pray for those who persecute us (Matt 5:44). His request for the Father to forgive functions as an imperative of request. Jesus was not demanding that the Father forgive but humbly and lovingly interceding on behalf of His persecutors. His prayer was not a declaration of forgiveness for His attackers, as forgiveness requires personal faith in Him. Only those who believe in Him receive forgiveness of sins, as Scripture states, “Everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins” (Acts 10:43). Instead, His prayer expressed a desire for their opportunity to receive forgiveness. If Jesus could pray for those who tortured and killed Him, how much more should we forgive others for their offenses against us (Col 3:13; Eph 4:32)? Through this prayer, Jesus emphasizes that God’s grace is greater than human sin.

We Should Forgive One Another

As Christians, we should be predisposed to forgive others. Scripture presents two kinds of forgiveness. The first is unconditional. This form of forgiveness is one-sided. It is extended by the one who has been offended, even when the offender does not seek forgiveness or turn from sinful behavior. Such forgiveness may still include wise boundaries to prevent further harm and to avoid the corrupting influence of an unrepentant offender. Unconditional forgiveness benefits the believer personally, because holding on to resentment is spiritually corrosive. Harboring unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. It damages the soul that carries it. The second kind is conditional forgiveness. This occurs when the offender seeks forgiveness and reconciliation. Here, agreement and restoration take place. Conditional forgiveness not only releases the offender from the offense, but also repairs and renews the broken relationship. These two forms of forgiveness parallel the two expressions of God’s grace in Scripture. Common grace is God’s kindness extended to all people regardless of their response to Him (Matt 5:45; Acts 14:17). Special grace refers to the blessings given to those who have trusted Christ as Savior and belong to His family (Gal 3:26; Eph 2:8–9).

The Price We Pay to Forgive Others

When we forgive someone who has wronged or hurt us, we release them from any debt they owe and we absorb the loss or pain into ourselves. They don’t deserve it, but neither did we deserve the forgiveness we received from God. He paid the price for our sin, and it was very costly to Him. And when we forgive, it can be costly to us as well. We forgive others as an act of obedience because God directs us to forgive as He has forgiven us (Eph 4:32). In doing so, we display His grace toward others who don’t deserve it. Forgiveness involves choosing to let go of resentment, anger, or the desire for personal vengeance against the offender, recognizing that God is the ultimate judge (Rom 12:19). Jesus taught that forgiveness should be extended repeatedly, reflecting God’s boundless mercy. When Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” (Matt 18:21). To which Jesus replied, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven (Mat 18:22; cf. Luke 17:3-4).

Forgiveness can be especially difficult in situations where the offender is unrepentant or where forgiveness does not lead to reconciliation or restored trust. Forgiving another person is not a denial of the hurt caused, nor does it necessarily eliminate consequences for the offender (such as if he broke the law); however, it is an act of obedience and faith, trusting that God sees and will vindicate the wronged party according to His perfect justice (Psa 37:5-6), “after all it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6).

What Forgiveness is Not

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting the offense or erasing its memory. Rather, it involves choosing not to dwell on the wrong or allow it to dominate our thoughts and actions. Similarly, forgiveness does not eliminate all consequences of sin. Even when forgiveness is extended, the offender may still face legal, relational, or other repercussions as a result of their actions (Gal 6:7-8). Furthermore, forgiveness does not equate to enabling sinful behavior. It is not an invitation to tolerate or excuse ongoing wrongdoing, and it may require setting boundaries to ensure protection and accountability.

Forgive and Avoid

Though we are to have a forgiving spirit toward everyone, that does not mean we associate with everyone or allow them into our lives. The reality is that some people are dangerous and can cause us great harm if we befriend them. We can both forgive and avoid some people. There are people committed to a lifestyle of sin who will cause us harm and teach us bad ways if we associate with them. Scripture tells us, “Do not associate with a gossip” (Prov 20:19), and “do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man” (Prov 22:24), and “do not associate with rebels” (Prov 24:21). Paul said to Christians in Corinth, “I wrote to you not to associate with anyone who calls himself a Christian who is sexually immoral, or greedy, or an idolater, or verbally abusive, or a drunkard, or a swindler. Do not even eat with such a person” (1 Cor 5:11). And in his letter to the Christians in Thessalonica, Paul wrote, “If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that person and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame” (2 Th 3:14). David wrote, “I do not associate with deceitful men, or consort with those who are dishonest. I hate the mob of evil men, and do not associate with the wicked” (Psa 26:4-5). The wicked are to be avoided, for they “are like the tossing sea, which cannot rest, and its waters toss up refuse and mud” (Isa 57:20).

Summary

In summary, forgiveness is a costly yet essential virtue for the believer, modeled perfectly by God and demonstrated supremely through the sacrificial death of Jesus Christ. Divine forgiveness, freely offered to all humanity, was made possible through the payment of our immense sin-debt by Christ’s substitutionary death on the cross (Rom 3:24-26; 1 John 2:2; 1 Pet 1:18-19). God’s forgiveness is judicial and permanent for those who trust in Christ (Acts 10:43; Eph 1:7). Christians are called to forgive others as an act of grace and obedience, reflecting the character of God (Eph 4:32; Col 3:13). Forgiveness does not negate justice, excuse sin, or eliminate the need for boundaries, but it releases the offended from bitterness and entrusts judgment to God, who is sovereign and righteous (Rom 12:19; 2 Th 1:6). Ultimately, forgiveness demonstrates humility, faith, and trust in God’s perfect justice, allowing us to glorify Him and maintain a spirit of grace even in difficult circumstances. By forgiving others, we follow Christ’s example, embodying His love and offering a testimony of the transformative power of His grace (Matt 5:44-45; 1 Pet 2:23).

Dr. Steven R. Cook

If this article has enriched your understanding and walk with Christ, and you feel led to support my ministry, your generosity is greatly appreciated. Your gifts enable me to continue sharing the gospel of grace and providing in-depth biblical teachings. Thank you for partnering with me in this mission.

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Forgiveness in Action

Posted on April 19, 2024 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Woman Offering Forgiveness Forgiveness is the act of pardoning or releasing someone from an offense, wrongdoing, or debt. At the moment someone sins against me, it’s important that I forgive them and let the matter go. When I forgive, the matter is transferred to God, and the offender must deal directly with the Lord, and the Lord with him. By faith, I have fulfilled what the Lord requires of me. To ruminate on the offense only relives it in my mind and enflames my emotions which, if not controlled, can neutralize my ability to think and reason biblically. Forgiveness, at its core, transcends the realm of emotions and operates by faith in God and His Word. It is a conscious decision to align with God’s will, even when my feelings urge me otherwise.

Woman Offering Forgiveness 2 Forgiveness often comes from a place of pain. Remember, it was while Jesus was on the cross, suffering and dying, that He forgave those who crucified Him, saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Jesus’ persecutors were not asking for His forgiveness, and they certainly did not deserve it. By His actions on the cross, Jesus modeled the love He taught His disciples, saying, “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28).

As Christians, when we extend forgiveness to others, we mirror the grace shown to us by God, “for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35). As Christians, we “forgive each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph 4:32). In Ephesians 4:32, the word “forgive” translates the Greek word charizomai (χαρίζομαι), which means “to give freely as a favor” or “to give graciously.” It means we operate in love and grace and are inclined to forgive others without their deserving it. It is a high mark for a believer to forgive graciously, for “it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Prov 19:11b).

Jesus on Cross with Cloudy Sky Forgiveness leaves justice for God to administer. Jesus, while He was on the cross and being attacked, did not retaliate. Peter wrote, “while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Pet 2:23). When suffering unjustly, we are to look to the Lord, and “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom 12:19). We believe that God will administer justice in His time and way. Paul wrote, “it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6). It’s okay to be hurt, but never to hate, or retaliate.

Forgiveness benefits us personally, for holding onto bitterness only corrodes our souls, poisoning our own lives while leaving the object of our resentment untouched. Paul wrote, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Eph 4:31-32). Others may not understand, appreciate, or welcome the forgiveness we give, but God understands, and that’s all that matters.

When hurt feelings rise high, faith must rise higher, seeking God’s will above all else, and serving as a conduit of His love and grace to others, even those who hate us and seek our harm. The apostle Paul said, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse” (Rom 12:14), and “when we are reviled, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure” (1 Cor 4:12). Peter wrote, “Do not return evil for evil or insult for insult, but instead bless others because you were called to inherit a blessing” (1 Pet 3:9). This is God’s love unbound, overflowing in a liberated heart, unleashed for blessing, and uncontrolled by the hatred and bitterness of others.

Ultimately, forgiveness isn’t a passive act; rather, it’s a radical stance that contradicts and defies the values of the world, is divine in origin, and embraces the transformative power of God’s love in a heart set free. And it’s a journey of faith, obedience, and liberation—a journey that leads us closer to the heart of God, the love of Christ, and the fullness of a mature spiritual life.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

If this article has enriched your understanding and walk with Christ, and you feel led to support my ministry, your generosity is greatly appreciated. Your gifts enable me to continue sharing the gospel of grace and providing in-depth biblical teachings. Thank you for partnering with me in this mission.

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Two Kinds of Forgiveness with People

Posted on February 5, 2024 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

For Christians, there are two kinds of forgiveness. The first is unconditional and the other is conditional. Unconditional forgiveness is one sided. It is given by the one who has been offended, even if the offender does not seek forgiveness or cease his sinful ways. This one sided forgiveness may also keep others at a distance so as to mitigate further harm against us and to avoid their corrupting influence.[1] Unconditional forgiveness benefits us personally, for holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. It doesn’t work out very well for us. The second kind of forgiveness is conditional, as an agreement takes place between the one who has been hurt and the offender who seeks forgiveness and reconciliation. Conditional forgiveness not only releases the offender from his offense, but also restores the broken relationship. I liken these two kinds of forgiveness to the two kinds of grace found in Scripture: common grace and special grace. Common grace is the kindness God extends to all humanity which does not depend on the worthiness of the object or whether they know or love Him (Matt 5:45; Acts 14:17), and special grace is the blessings He gives to those who have trusted Christ as their Savior and are part of His family (Gal 3:26; Eph 2:8-9).

Unconditional Forgiveness

Jesus Crucified When Jesus was on the cross, He prayed for those who crucified Him, saying, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). From this passage we see that Jesus harbored no hatred toward His attackers who crucified Him. Certainly His attackers were operating on hatred and were not seeking forgiveness, yet Jesus asked the Father to forgive them. That’s unconditional love.[2] By His actions on the cross, Jesus modeled the love He taught His disciples, saying, “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28). Here is the pattern for the Christian who is to have a heart that is always ready to forgive those who give offense, even when they don’t ask for it or deserve it. Stephen understood this love for his enemies who sought to kill him, as it is written, “then falling to his knees, he cried out with a loud voice, saying, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them!’” (Acts 7:60). That’s unconditional forgiveness.

As Christians, God requires us to forgive others. Jesus said, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions” (Mark 11:25; cf., Luke 11:4).[3] According to Earl Radmacher, “To forgive is to release it to God, for all sin is ultimately against God and He alone has the right of vengeance (Rom 12:19). The believer’s experience of the Father’s forgiveness is dependent on his or her willingness to forgive.”^[4] John Grassmick states:

“Divine forgiveness toward a believer and a believer’s forgiveness toward others are inseparably linked because a bond has been established between the divine Forgiver and the forgiven believer (cf. Matt 18:21–35). One who has accepted God’s forgiveness is expected to forgive others just as God has forgiven him (Eph 4:32). If he does not, he forfeits God’s forgiveness in his daily life.”^[5]

In this way the believer fulfills Jesus’ directive to love our enemies (Luke 6:27-28). Failure to forgive others is a sin, and Jesus said, “if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matt 6:15). Failure to forgive others as God directs results in a break in our temporal familial fellowship with Him. Fellowship with God is restored when we confess our sin of unforgiveness and obey His directive to forgive the other person. If we confess our sins to God, but do not forgive others, we’re quickly out of fellowship again and possibly subject to divine discipline if we fail to correct our sinful behavior.

As mentioned earlier, forgiving a person does not mean subjecting ourselves to their ongoing harmful ways. It’s valid to protect ourselves from those who would cause us harm. Paul wrote to his friend, Timothy, about a man who harmed him, saying, “Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm” (2 Tim 4:14a). I’m sure Paul harbored no hatred toward the man, but neither was he open to getting hurt again, and even warned his friend, Timothy, saying, “Be on guard against him yourself, for he vigorously opposed our teaching” (2 Tim 4:15). Paul did not state what the specific harm was, but clearly he’d been marked by his encounter with Alexander and carried the memory of the hurt. As a Christian, Paul did not seek personal vengeance against Alexander, but rather, put the matter in the Lord’s hands, saying, “the Lord will repay with him according to his deeds” (2 Tim 4:14b).[6] Because God is the one who dispenses justice, we are commanded, “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom 12:19). Paul wrote, “it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6), and he knew God would deal with Alexander in His own time and way and that the punishment would be equitable payment for the harm done to him. It’s okay to be hurt, but never to hate.

Conditional Forgiveness

Seeking Forgiveness Conditional forgiveness has a give-and-take dynamic and depends on certain conditions being fulfilled by the offender who has stopped causing harm, confessed his sin to us, and seeks reconciliation. When this happens, we are to forgive and let him back into our lives, assuming they’ve corrected their bad behavior. Jesus said, “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Luke 17:3-4). This is an amazing statement, for if the offender repeats the same sin over and over, presumably against us, our first order is to rebuke that person for their sin. And if the person who keeps repeating the same sin comes to us, even seven times in a day, and says, “I repent”, then each time, we are to forgive him. Forgive. That’s the directive. This kind of forgiveness requires faith, for it will never be accomplished by feelings. Jesus’ apostles understood this and “said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith!’” (Luke 17:5). Forgiveness is an act of faith. When we forgive others, we are obeying the directive to “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph 4:32).

To forgive shows that we are obedient to God and trust that He will administer any justice if needed. There’s no place for revenge in the heart of God’s people.[7] Warren Wiersbe states, “True forgiveness always involves pain; somebody has been hurt and there is a price to pay in healing the wound. Love motivates us to forgive, but faith activates that forgiveness so that God can use it to work blessings in the lives of His people.”^[8] He further states:

“We must be in the habit of forgiving, for others might sin against us seven times a day—or even seventy times seven! (Matt 18:21ff). No one is likely to commit that much sin in one day, but this use of hyperbole emphasized the point Jesus was making: do not enumerate the sins of others, for love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Cor 13:4–6). We should always be ready to forgive others, for one day we may want them to forgive us!”^[9]

For Christians, forgiving others does not mean forgetting, for the experience cannot be undone. Nor does it mean exposing ourselves to further hurt if the offender continues to act wickedly and cause harm. We can and should avoid unnecessary suffering when possible (see Psa 26:4-5; Prov 20:19; 22:24; 24:21; 1 Cor 5:11; 2 Th 3:14; 2 Tim 4:14-15). Nor does it mean that the offender, if they’ve committed a crime, does not have to pay for it before a court of law, as legal authorities are obligated to arrest the offender and seek justice. Human courts are ordained by God and have been granted the power to punish, even to death, those who are lawbreakers, “for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil” (Rom 13:4).[10]

In summary, there are two types of forgiveness for Christians in relation to others: unconditional forgiveness and conditional forgiveness. Unconditional forgiveness involves forgiving others regardless of whether they ask for it or cease their sinful ways. God requires us to forgive others, and failure to forgive results in a break in fellowship with God. Conditional forgiveness, on the other hand, is extended to an offender who has stopped causing harm, confessed his sin, and seeks reconciliation with the one who has been hurt. This type of forgiveness requires faith and is not based on feelings. Forgiveness is done in obedience to God. Furthermore, forgiving others does not mean forgetting or exposing ourselves to further harm if the offender continues to act wickedly. Lastly, we are to love everyone, pray for those who mistreat us, harbor no hatred, seek no retribution, and maintain a heart that is ready to forgive.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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[1] There are people committed to a lifestyle of sin who will cause us harm and teach us bad ways if we associate with them. Scripture tells us, “do not associate with a gossip” (Prov 20:19), and “do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man” (Prov 22:24), and “do not associate with rebels” (Prov 24:21). Paul said to Christians in Corinth, “I wrote to you not to associate with anyone who calls himself a Christian who is sexually immoral, or greedy, or an idolater, or verbally abusive, or a drunkard, or a swindler. Do not even eat with such a person” (1 Cor 5:11). And in his letter to the Christians in Thessalonica, Paul wrote, “If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that person and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame” (2 Th 3:14). David wrote, “I do not associate with deceitful men, or consort with those who are dishonest. I hate the mob of evil men, and do not associate with the wicked” (Psa 26:4-5). The wicked are to be avoided, for they “are like the tossing sea, which cannot rest, and its waters toss up refuse and mud” (Isa 57:20).

[2] Peter tells us how Jesus handled the injustice against Him, saying, “while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Pet 2:23).

[3] The word forgive (ἀφίημι aphiemi) is in the imperative mood, which means it’s a command to be obeyed. This is accomplished by faith as an act of the will, and not by feelings, which might get in the way of forgiveness.

^[4] Earl D. Radmacher, Ronald Barclay Allen, and H. Wayne House, Nelson’s New Illustrated Bible Commentary (Nashville: T. Nelson Publishers, 1999), 1230.

^[5] John D. Grassmick, “Mark,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 159.

[6] The word “repay” translates the Greek verb apodidomi (ἀποδίδωμι), which means to give up, give back, or repay. The verb is in the future tense and anticipates imminent action by the Lord, who always dispenses the proper judgment at the proper time. As Christians, we are never called to seek revenge upon those who have hurt us, but rather, to put the matter in the Lord’s hands. Scripture teaches that God repays people according to their actions, as David writes, “For You [God] recompense a man according to his work” (Psa 62:12b; cf. Prov 24:12; Jer 15:15), and to the Christians at Thessalonica, Paul wrote, “it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6).

[7] The Lord said, “You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD” (Lev 19:18). The apostle Paul said, “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people” (1 Th 5:15). Peter wrote, “All of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Pet 3:8-9). Solomon wrote, “He who returns evil for good, evil will not depart from his house” (Prov 17:13). He also wrote, “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil;’ wait for the LORD, and He will save you” (Prov 20:22).

^[8] Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary, vol. 1 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1996), 243.

^[9] Ibid., 243.

[10] Of course, we realize that most crimes in this world go unpunished by human courts; therefore, we must appeal to the supreme court of heaven and leave the matter with God. Whether God forgives that person is a matter for the Lord to decide. God is “the Judge of all the earth” (Gen 18:25), and He “is a righteous judge, and a God who has indignation every day” (Psa 7:11). He will dispense justice in His time and way, whether directly or through human courts, in time or eternity. As for us, we are to love our enemies, pray for those who mistreat us, harbor no hatred, seek no retribution, and have a heart that is always ready to forgive. That’s not easy, but it’s right, according to God’s Word.

Beyond Self-Interest: Embracing Disadvantage for the Blessing of Others

Posted on July 2, 2023 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Jesus Healing Sick The more I understand biblical Christianity, the more I think our advance to maturity involves being willingly disadvantaged that others might receive an advantage. To be voluntarily disadvantaged means I am deprived of something so that others might gain an asset, an edge, a benefit, or an opportunity they might not have otherwise. This is charitable on my part, in which I give for the benefit of others. This is how Jesus lived, as He said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). Jesus voluntarily gave His life on the cross that others might obtain what they could not receive by any other means; forgiveness of sins and eternal life. What was a disadvantage to Him resulted in a benefit to us.

The purpose of Jesus’ sacrifice was to result in forgiveness and salvation to humanity, granting us an advantage or opportunity for eternal life with God. From this perspective, it can be said that Jesus voluntarily assumed a position of disadvantage by taking on human form, enduring suffering, and ultimately sacrificing His life so that we might have an advantage, which is the opportunity for forgiveness, salvation, and reconciliation with God. When we embrace this way of thinking, it will become more natural for us to think of others over self. Paul wrote, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4).

Too often we ask, “What’s in it for me?” or “What do I get out of this?” When it comes to loving others in the biblical sense, we should not ask what others can do for us, but what we can do for others, that they might be blessed through our sacrifice and service. This way of thinking is completely antithetical to our fallen human natures and the values of the world. What I’m describing is virtue love; a love that is thoughtful, sacrificial, and constantly thinks of how others might be edified, encouraged, or built up in some way. Examples might include giving of our time to arrive early at church to make sure everything is clean before others arrive, or speaking a kind word to a discouraged heart, or giving of our finances to support a growing Christian ministry, or working extra hours to help a coworker succeed, or giving up our lunch hour to mow a widows overgrown yard, or to sacrifice a vacation to help a struggling family with food, rent, or auto repair.

This way of living gives and expects nothing in return. It looks for those who are so impoverished that they cannot repay. Jesus said, “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return and that will be your repayment. But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous” (Luke 14:12-14). There’s nothing wrong with entertaining and caring for family and friends; however, we should not be concerned only with these, but also with serving the less fortunate. We should be intentional about helping “orphans and widows in their distress” (Jam 1:27), because it is right in God’s sight to help to the needy. Those who live this way will be “rich toward God” (Luke 12:21), will “store up treasures in heaven” (Matt 6:20), and will hear the words of the Lord, “Well done, good and faithful slave” (Matt 25:21).

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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Virtue Love in the Christian

Posted on March 12, 2023 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

As Christians, our love for one another should be obvious to others. On the night before His crucifixion, Jesus told His disciples, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35). Other passages inform us, “you yourselves are taught by God to love one another” (1 Th 4:9b), and “keep fervent in your love for one another” (1 Pet 4:8a), and “this is the message which you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another” (1 John 3:11), and “This is His commandment, that we believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us” (1 John 3:23), and “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. ⁸ The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love” (1 John 4:7-8). In each of these biblical passages, the word love translates the Greek verb ἀγαπάω agapao, which means we value others by seeking God’s best in their lives, seeking to build them up and to meet their needs as we have opportunity.

God’s love should also be extended to those who hate and mistreat us. God has unconditional love for everyone, which means He does them good and blesses them. This is virtue love. Though God’s love is innate to Him, it is not natural to us, since we are fallen and marked by sin. Our innate personal love can never rise above our particular likes. But, once saved, we are to learn about God’s love—virtue love—and then model it in our lives to others. Virtue love must be learned. The apostle Paul, when writing to his friend, Timothy, said, “the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith” (1 Tim 1:5). And Paul described virtue love, saying, “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Cor 13:4-8a). As we advance spiritually in our walk with God, we can learn to love as He loves.

We Love Because He First Loved Us Virtue love and personal love are distinct. Personal love is based on an individual’s particular likes and affections, which fluctuate and change. Personal love is no greater than the person whose desires and feelings vacillate. Virtue love is greater, because it is tied to God and His love. God’s love is stable, constant, sacrificial, and does good to everyone. Virtue love is based on God’s truth. True love requires truth, otherwise, it becomes a lesser form of love that is subject to personal whims. According to R. B. Thieme Jr., “For human love to succeed, God’s perfect, unchanging truth must be the source, pattern, and basis of that love. Mankind can truly love only by possessing the virtue that derives from God Himself (1 John 4:9–10).”[1] Virtue love manifests itself toward others in a thoughtful and sacrificial way and is not based on the beauty or worth of the object. Scripture reveals, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life” (John 3:16). This is a sacrificial love, for “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). And “In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10). John concludes, saying, “Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11). Our love for others is borne out of God’s love for us.

Operating on virtue love does not mean we expose ourselves to unnecessary harm (1 Ki 18:13; John 8:59; Acts 9:23-25; 2 Tim 4:14-15), nor that we trust all people (John 2:23-24), nor fail to rebuke others when needed (Matt 16:21-23; Luke 9:51-55), nor that we interact or befriend people who are hostile to God (Prov 13:20; 20:19; 22:24-25; 24:21; 1 Cor 5:9-11; 15:33; 2 Tim 3:1-5), nor forfeit the right to defend ourselves physically or legally when we come under attack (Acts 22:25-29; 25:7-12). And when we are attacked, it’s alright to be angry. Paul wrote, “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph 4:26). And it’s alright to be hurt, but never to hate (Luke 6:27-28).

Personal love, weak as it is, is our default setting from the flesh. Virtue love is acquired over time as we learn about God through His Word and follow His directives. Virtue love operates fully and effectively even toward those hate us and seek our harm. Jesus demands this kind of love from His disciples, saying, “I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28). All four of Jesus’ directives (to love, do good, bless, and pray) are in the imperative mood, which means they are commands to be understood and obeyed. These directives are consciously in our minds and actively obeyed as we direct our wills to seek God’s best in the lives of others. To do good to those who hate us means we are kind and generous when possible. To bless our enemies means we wish them well rather than harm. To pray for our enemies means we ask God to save and bless them, even though they seek to mistreat us. In all this, we are never to return evil for evil (see Rom 12:14, 17-21; 1 Th 5:15; 1 Pet 3:9). This is not mere passivity, but requires great discipline of the mind and will, which can be contrary to our emotions. Nor does such behavior imply weakness on our part. Jesus, the theanthropic person, possessed all power sufficient to destroy His enemies, yet He restrained His power for the sake of love and grace.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus said, “I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matt 5:44-45). Divine truth, not feelings, must be what guides our thoughts, words, and actions. As Christians, when we think and act this way, we are like the “sons of the Most-High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35). Paul, when speaking to unbelievers, said of the Father, “He did not leave Himself without witness, in that He did good and gave you rains from heaven and fruitful seasons, satisfying your hearts with food and gladness” (Acts 14:17). That’s love. And in Galatians, Paul said, “So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith” (Gal 6:10). God’s love for everyone is our pattern to follow. This is not personal love, but virtue love. This kind of love and behavior is accomplished by faith and not feelings. Though we can’t always change our feelings, we must not be governed by them; rather, God’s Word must be the driving force that directs our thoughts, words, and actions. As we grow spiritually, God’s love will become more and more seated in our thoughts, and as we submit ourselves to Him and walk in the Spirit, His love will begin to shine forth toward others and we will seek God’s best in their lives. Let us love others as God directs, based on the truth of His Word, and after the pattern of Himself and our Savior, Jesus. In this way, we will adhere to Paul’s instruction, in which he says, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; ² and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma” (Eph 5:1-2).

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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[1] R. B. Thieme Jr., “Virtue Love” in Thieme’s Bible Doctrine Dictionary, (Houston, TX., R. B. Thieme, Jr., Bible Ministries, 2022), p, 285.

Commitment Love

Posted on June 10, 2021 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Love is often described as an emotion, a warm feeling toward another person. Webster’s Dictionary defines love as a “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties…warm attachment, enthusiasm.”^[1] This works in some ways, when the object of our affection appeals to us. But when the natural affinity is gone, or the object becomes unattractive, indifferent, or hostile, emotional love fails.

There is a higher form of love that supersedes emotion. A love that derives from the individual and has little or no regard for the appeal or worth of the object. It is a love that is born out of the bounty of one’s own goodness and is marked by stability and commitment. This love always seeks the best interests of others at one’s own expense, and is not often understood or appreciated. It is this higher form of love that is described and promoted in the Bible. The Bible reveals God loves us, and we are to love Him and others.

God revealed His attribute of love to Moses, saying, “The LORD, the LORD God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness [חֶסֶד chesed] and truth; who keeps lovingkindness [חֶסֶד chesed] for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin” (Exo 34:6-7a). According to HALOT, the Hebrew word חֶסֶד chesed denotes “lasting loyalty, faithfulness…to show loyalty.”^[2] Here, God’s loyalty means He keeps His covenant promises to His people. God is faithful to His Word (see Psa 89:1-4; cf. Tit 1:2; Heb 6:18).

Another word for love in the OT is the Hebrew verb אָהַב ahav. An example is found in Deuteronomy 6:5 where Moses wrote, “You shall love [אָהֵב aheb] the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” (Deut 6:5). Here, love is an act of the will in which Israelites were to commit themselves to the Lord wholeheartedly. Concerning the word love in this passage, Daniel Block writes:

Speaking biblically “love” is not merely an emotion, a pleasant disposition toward another person, but covenant commitment demonstrated in actions that seek the interest of the next person…Just as in marriage true love is demonstrated not merely or even primarily by roses and verbal utterances of “I love you,” but in actions that seek the well-being and delight of one’s spouse.^[3]

Warren Wiersbe adds:

In the life of the believer, love is an act of the will: we choose to relate to God and to other persons in a loving way no matter how we may feel. Christian love simply means that we treat others the way God treats us. In His love, God is kind and forgiving toward us, so we seek to be kind and forgiving toward others (Eph. 4:32). God wills the very best for us, so we desire the very best for others, even if it demands sacrifice on our part.^[4]

The idea of commitment-love carries into the New Testament where Jesus tells His disciples, “If you love [ἀγαπάω agapao] Me, you will keep My commandments” (John 14:15). Love for Jesus means we are committed to Him above all else, and this commitment is manifest in a life of obedience to Him and service to others. Biblical love for others is not primarily an emotion; rather, it’s a choice to commit ourselves to them and to seek God’s best in their lives.

As Christians, God wants us to walk with Him and enjoy His love and blessings. Our obedience is motivated by His love for us. The apostle John set the order when he wrote, “we love [ἀγαπάω agapao], because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). And God loved us when we were helpless, ungodly, sinners and enemies (Rom 5:6-10). The apostle Paul wrote, “God demonstrates His own love [ἀγάπη agape] toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). Jesus tells us to love our enemies.

You have heard that it was said, ‘you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love [ἀγαπάω agapao] your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. (Matt 5:43-45)

But love [ἀγαπάω agapao] your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” (Luke 6:35-36)

This command cannot be obeyed if love is an emotion, for one cannot conjure up a warm affection for the one who hates us and causes injury. Emotions are part of what it means to be human. I like my emotions very much, although there are times they get in the way of good judgment and right decisions. The truth is, emotions are unintelligent. They never operate on their own, but are always tied to thoughts or actions. Emotion follows thought like a trailer follows a truck. The trailer goes where the truck goes.

Being unintelligent, emotion does not differentiate between reality or fiction. I can watch a TV show, or read a book, and have an emotional response that is triggered by fictional characters and events. I can even produce a story in my own mind that is completely fictional and have an emotional response. If I want to change my emotions, I need to change my thoughts or actions.

Emotion Follows Thought

Emotional love is not in view when Jesus commands us to love our enemies. Rather, it is commitment love, in which we seek God’s best in the lives of others. Warren Wiersbe states:

Jesus defined our enemies as those who curse us, hate us, and exploit us selfishly. Since Christian love is an act of the will, and not simply an emotion, He has the right to command us to love our enemies. After all, He loved us when we were His enemies (Rom 5:10). We may show this love by blessing those who curse us, doing good to them, and praying for them. When we pray for our enemies, we find it easier to love them. It takes the “poison” out of our attitudes.^[5]

William MacDonald adds:

Jesus announces that we are to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute us. The fact that love is commanded shows that it is a matter of the will and not primarily of the emotions. It is not the same as natural affection because it is not natural to love those who hate and harm you.^[6]

Now, let me be careful here. Loving our enemies does not necessarily mean we expose ourselves to their hostilities. There are clear examples in Scripture where God’s people hid themselves from their enemies. For example, Rahab protected the two spies that came to her house, for “she had brought them up to the roof and hidden them in the stalks of flax which she had laid in order on the roof” (Josh 2:6; cf. Heb 11:31). Obadiah hid one hundred prophets of the Lord and provided food and water for them (1 Ki 18:1-4). These were true prophets, for a false prophet would not have been afraid of the public hostility of Ahab and Jezebel. There were at least two occasions when Jesus “hid Himself” from an attack by the Jewish leadership (John 8:59; John 12:36). Certainly, there was no sin in Jesus’ action.

Furthermore, it’s valid to warn others of enemies who may attack and cause unnecessary harm. When writing to his friend Timothy, the apostle Paul warned him about a dangerous man who hurt him. Paul wrote, “Alexander the coppersmith did me much harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Be on guard against him yourself, for he vigorously opposed our teaching” (2 Tim 4:14-15). Paul did not state what the specific harm was, but clearly he’d been marked by his encounter with Alexander and carried the memory of the hurt. As a Christian, Paul did not seek revenge against Alexander, but rather, put the matter in the Lord’s hands, saying, “the Lord will repay with him according to his deeds” (2 Tim 4:14b). Because God is the one who dispenses justice, we are commanded, “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom 12:19). Paul knew God would deal with Alexander in His own time and way and that the punishment would be equitable payment for the harm done to him. There should be no hatred in the heart of the Christian. As Christians, we are never called to seek revenge upon those who have hurt us, but rather, to put the matter in the Lord’s hands. Scripture teaches that God repays people according to their actions, as Paul wrote, “it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6).

In summary, biblical love for others is not primarily an emotion; rather, it’s a choice to commit ourselves to them and to seek God’s best in their lives. Love is manifest by prayer, sharing the Gospel with the lost, sharing biblical truth to edify believers, open handed giving to the needy, and supporting Christian ministries that do God’s work, just to name a few.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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^[1] Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary (Springfield, MA: Merriam-Webster, 1996).

^[2] Ludwig Koehler et al., The Hebrew and Aramaic Lexicon of the Old Testament (Leiden: E.J. Brill, 1994–2000), 336.

^[3] Daniel I. Block, The NIV Application Commentary: Deuteronomy (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2012), 189–190.

^[4] Warren W. Wiersbe, Be Equipped, “Be” Commentary Series (Colorado Springs, CO: Chariot Victor Pub., 1999), 46.

^[5] Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary, vol. 1 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1996), 24.

^[6] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 1223.

Proverbs 31 – Snapshot of an Excellent Woman

Posted on October 25, 2020 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Proverbs 31 describes the woman of excellence. The phrase an excellent wife (Pro 31:10; Heb. אֵשֶׁת־חַיִל esheth chayil) was first used of Ruth, who was described as a woman of excellence (Ruth 3:11, NASB) or a woman of noble character (CSB). Ruth was the great-grandmother of King David, who married Bathsheba, who is perhaps the one who shared her wisdom with her son, King Solomon (Pro 31:1). If this is correct, then it’s possible Bathsheba saw in Ruth a template for the woman of noble character. A study of the book of Ruth reveals she was committed to God and His people (Ruth 1:16-17; 2:11), possessed a strong work ethic (Ruth 2:7, 17), listened to good advice (Ruth 2:8-9; 3:1-6), showed respect to others (Ruth 2:10), cared for the needy (Ruth 2:17-18), sought to marry a noble man (Ruth 3:7-10; 4:13), and was praised for her excellence and love for others (Ruth 3:11; 4:15).

According to Proverbs 31:10-31, the excellent wife is precious to her husband (Pro 31:10), and he trusts her (Pro 31:11). It is said, “She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Pro 31:12). She delights to work with her hands, knowing she’s providing for the good of her family (Pro 31:13, 15, 17-19, 27). She’s a smart shopper (Pro 31:14), and savvy business woman (Pro 31:16, 24), who is recognized for her work (Pro 31:31). She uses her time well (Pro 31:15, 27), is energetic and strong (Pro 31:17), cares for the poor and needy (Pro 31:20), provides for those in her household (Pro 31:21, 27), and does not neglect her own needs or appearance (Pro 31:22). As she is respected in the home, her husband is respected in the community (Pro 31:23), and both he and her children give praise for her dignity (Pro 31:28). She has an optimistic outlook on life, as “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future” (Pro 31:25). She is also noted for her wisdom, and “the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Pro 31:26). She is the ideal wife, and though many women have done nobly, she excels them all (Pro 31:29). What makes this woman so excellent? What drives her to possess all the virtues of a godly woman, for which her husband praises her? Solomon tells us. It’s not her personal charm, which is deceitful; nor her physical beauty, which is fleeting (Pro 31:30a). Rather, it’s because she is “a woman who fears the LORD” (Pro 31:30b). This one “shall be praised” by all who know and appreciate her godliness. What is prioritized is the inner qualities of godliness and virtue that make for an enjoyable, stable, and lasting marriage. Other qualities of godly women are as follows:

I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. (1 Tim 2:9-12)

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. (Tit 2:4-6)

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. (1 Pet 3:1-6)

Dr. Steven R. Cook

Audio Lesson (22 minutes)

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Being the Good Boss

Posted on October 31, 2019 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Good Boss Good character is never automatic but is consciously developed over many years through right learning and living amidst trials, storms, and conflicts. It is an inescapable truth that strong character—like a strong body—is forged through training and testing. As the adage goes, “No pain, no gain.” If we are willing, we can view life’s trials as opportunities to make us better rather than bitter. We can voluntarily submit ourselves to the furnace of affliction, which burns away the dross of weak character and cultivates those golden qualities that reflect the highest and best in humanity. Over time, we may even learn to smile at the storm, knowing the One who sends it and trusting that it comes with a purpose—one that includes developing the good character that could not mature by any other means.

But there are other forces at work in the world—other value systems that are harmful and may lead me down destructive paths. Any dead fish can float downstream with the current, but it takes someone who is alive and strong to swim against it. I want to be that person. I want to be the kind of person who desires to walk with God daily and who helps and encourages others to do the same. God has granted me the privilege of leadership in my marriage, in Bible class, and as a supervisor at work. I take these responsibilities very seriously because I understand that who I am and how I live influences the thoughts and actions of others. The following is a list of good character qualities I aspire to cultivate, though it is by no means exhaustive. I see a good leader as one who:

Submits to God. “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” (Jam 4:7). ”I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship” (Rom 12:1).
Resists conformity to the world. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect” (Rom 12:2).
Lives by Faith. “But My righteous one will live by faith; and if he draws back, I have no pleasure in him” (Heb 10:38). “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him” (Heb 11:6).
Possesses integrity. God said of king David, “So he shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart, and guided them with his skillful hands” (Psa 78:72). “He who walks in integrity walks securely, but he who perverts his ways will be found out” (Prov 10:9). Having integrity means a person is not artificial, but is genuine in character, honest in speech and faithful to promises.
Does not slander others. “The Lord states, ‘You shall not bear a false report; do not join your hand with a wicked man to be a malicious witness’” (Ex 23:1; cf. Psa 15:3; Pro 11:3; Tit 2:7-8).
Associates with wise persons and listens to their counsel. “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Prov 13:20). “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel. (Prov 12:15).
Governs wisely. “By me [wisdom] kings reign, and rulers decree justice. By me princes rule, and nobles, all who judge rightly” (Prov 8:15-16).
Does not befriend immoral persons. “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers!” (Psa 1:1). “I do not sit with deceitful men, nor will I go with pretenders” (Psa 26:4).
Prays often. “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints” (Eph 6:18). “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Th 5:16-18).
Brings stability to those under his/her care. “The king gives stability to the land by justice, but a man who takes bribes overthrows it” (Prov 29:4).
Cares about justice. “You shall do no injustice in judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor nor defer to the great, but you are to judge your neighbor fairly” (Lev 19:15). “He has told you what is good and what it is the LORD requires of you: to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God” (Mic 6:8).
Searches to find the facts of a matter before rendering judgment. “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him. (Prov 18:13). “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter” (Prov 25:2).
Preserves the rights of others by clear thinking. “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to desire strong drink, for they will drink and forget what is decreed, and pervert the rights of all the afflicted” (Prov 31:4-5).
Educates and delegates responsibility to trusted persons. Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, told him, “select out of all the people able men who fear God, men of truth, those who hate dishonest gain; and you shall place these over them as leaders of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties and of tens. Let them judge the people at all times; and let it be that every major dispute they will bring to you, but every minor dispute they themselves will judge. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you” (Ex 18:21-22).
Is compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, patient, forgiving and loving. “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity” (Col 3:12-14) “I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love” (Eph 4:1-2).
Looks out for the interests of others. “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4).
Encourages and builds others up. “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for building someone up according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” (Eph 4:29). “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing” (1 Th 5:11).
Pursues peace rather than strife. “Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it” (Psa 34:14). “So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another” (Rom 14:19).
Recognizes his/her authority and uses it to serve others, not to tear them down. “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matt 20:25-28; cf. John 13:1-17).
Rebukes wickedness. “He who says to the wicked, ‘You are righteous,’ peoples will curse him, nations will abhor him; but to those who rebuke the wicked will be delight, and a good blessing will come upon them” (Pro 24:24-25). “We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone” (1 Th 5:14).
Is slow to anger. “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city” (Pro 16:32). “He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding” (Prov 17:27; cf. 15:18; 19:11; 29:11).
Is not argumentative. “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth” (2 Tim 2:24-25).
Uses wise and gracious words. “The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice” (Psa 37:30). “Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him” (Eccl 10:12), and “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person” (Col 4:6).

On a day-to-day basis, good leaders listen to their team, stand up for them, trust them, and refrain from micromanaging every aspect of their work. They communicate clearly, consistently, and collaboratively. They seek advice, listen to concerns, and consult their team on the best solutions for success. They set high expectations and encourage others to strive for excellence, operating according to agency standards and reaching for new heights. They also care about the well-being of their team outside of work, promoting good physical, social, and mental health.

Good leaders can be tough when necessary. They live in reality and understand that some individuals may not respond positively to their leadership. In such cases, they may need to use their authority to reprimand or even terminate staff; however, this is always a last resort, employed only after all other positive strategies have been exhausted. Ultimately, a good leader lives sacrificially for the benefit of others, always desiring the success of their team as well as the success of the agency.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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How to Deal with Jealousy

Posted on June 13, 2019 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Jealousy is mentioned throughout the Bible both in a healthy and unhealthy sense. The word jealousy translates the Hebrew קָנָא qanah and Greek ζηλόω zeloo.[1] Though closely related terms, there is a difference between envy and jealousy. Whereas the envious desire what belongs to another, the jealous desire to protect what belongs to self. Scripture reveals that God is jealous. The Lord states, “I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God” (Exo 20:5b; cf. 34:14; Deu 32:16, 21; Na 1:2). This statement occurs within the context of God forbidding His people to worship idols (Exo 20:3-4).[2] Idolatry is thievery. It seeks to steal God’s glory, and He’ll have none of it. He declares, “I am the LORD, that is My name; I will not give My glory to another, nor My praise to graven images” (Isa 42:8). Likewise, God is jealous to protect His name, saying, “I will be jealous for My holy name” (Eze 39:25), which means He is jealous to protect His reputation. And, God is jealous for Israel, saying, “I am exceedingly jealous for Zion, yes, with great wrath I am jealous for her” (Zec 8:2). In this sense, jealousy means God is committed to the protection of His people.

People sometimes have trouble thinking that jealousy is a desirable attribute in God. This is because jealousy for our own honor as human beings is almost always wrong. We are not to be proud, but humble. Yet we must realize that the reason pride is wrong is a theological reason: it is that we do not deserve the honor that belongs to God alone (cf. 1 Cor. 4:7; Rev. 4:11).^[3]

But what about jealousy among people? Is it ever right? Yes. There are times when jealousy is right. Jealousy is born out of a strong sense of relationship that is intolerant of rivals and this can be healthy, if the rival is real and it threatens a godly relationship.[4] If God’s values are our values, and we regard as precious what He regards as precious, then His jealousy will be our jealousy and we will be angry alongside Him and seek to protect what He loves. Elijah the prophet said “I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts” (1 Ki 19:10a). This jealousy—or zeal—in Elijah sought to protect what was good, namely God’s character and the walk of His people who were being led astray by false prophets. Elijah’s jealousy was provoked by his fellow Israelites, who “have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars and killed Your prophets with the sword” (1 Ki 19:10b). Paul too had this kind of jealousy for the church at Corinth, saying, “For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin” (2 Cor 11:2). Paul wanted to protect the church’s purity of devotion to Christ, as they were in danger of being led astray by false teaching and into worldly values and practices (2 Cor 11:3-4). Godly jealousy seeks to protect God’s relationship with others and naturally feels threatened by anything that would harm it.

How to Deal with Jealousy But there is a sinful jealousy that is born out of the sin nature (Gal 5:19-20) and does not seek God’s interests or the best interests of others. Sinful jealousy desires to possess and protect what God forbids. “In contrast to righteous jealousy, the sinful perversion is based on the belief that one is entitled to something to which one has no natural right.”^[5] Not having a “natural right” to something means it was acquired selfishly, apart from God’s will. This can be a relationship, education, career, or material possessions. There’s nothing wrong with any of these things, except that they can be pursued and possessed purely for self-interest, contrary to God’s will. If we ignore God and His will for our life, and selfishly enter into a relationship with another person, and that relationship becomes threatened by another selfish person, or the selfish actions of our partner, then we have no biblical right to protect that relationship. Jealousy will naturally arise, but it becomes a sinful jealousy if we seek to protect what was sinfully acquired.

Sinful jealousy cares nothing about God or others and will seek to destroy rather than protect and edify. It is selfish, irrational, and can even lead to violence. This is what happened when Joseph’s brothers sought to kill him. First, they were “jealous of him” (Gen 37:11), and their sinful jealousy led them to harm him (Gen 37:18-28). James wrote, “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth…For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing” (Jam 3:14, 16). It was because of sinful jealousy that the Sadducees rose up in anger and attacked the apostles and put them in prison (Acts 5:17-18). This was because the apostles’ teaching threatened their pride and pseudo authority in the community. Paul had experienced jealous men who opposed his ministry (Acts 13:45), and, at times, they attacked the innocent (Acts 17:5).

How to Deal with Sinful Jealousy

Sinful jealousy is a beast. It rears its ugly head to protect what has been obtained by sinful choice (i.e. a relationship, job, money, etc.), it operates on irrational fear, and, if left to feed on fear, will seek to destroy what threatens. To deal with sinful jealousy, a few things need to change.

First, it is necessary to operate from a biblical perspective.[6] God is all-knowing and all-good, and what He reveals and commands in Scripture is for our best interest. Furthermore, God’s Word defines reality and helps us to understand ourselves and the world in which we live. If we’re not thinking biblically, then human viewpoint will lead the way and all thoughts and actions will be rationalized from a purely human perspective. But this is not what’s expected of the Christian. We’re called to think biblically, in every aspect of our lives, and to make choices consistent with God’s revealed will. As we study the Bible, we realize it touches all of life, including matters related to family, social issues, education, finances, politics, science, art, etc. For example, the Bible teaches that marriage is between one man and one woman (Gen. 2:24), that a Christian should only marry another Christian (1 Cor 7:39), and that the relationship between the husband and wife should be loving and respectful (Eph 5:22-33). The mature Christian learns God’s Word, and then integrates it into all aspects of her/his life. Operating from a biblical perspective allows us to differentiate righteous jealousy from sinful jealousy, and to act according to God’s expectation.

Second, as we study Scripture, we come to realize that we own nothing. Everything, including our own lives, belongs to the Lord. Scripture reveals, “The earth is the LORD’S, and all it contains, the world, and those who dwell in it” (Psa 24:1; cf. 89:11). Job understood this very well, for even when he lost his business, family, and health, he could say, “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21). Biblically minded Christians hold nothing tightly, for we know our possessions are on loan and can be taken at any moment (this includes family members); how much more those things we acquire through sinful choices. When we come to the place where we recognize God’s sovereign ownership of our lives and possessions, we can consciously live each moment by faith, with a relaxed mental attitude, knowing He is the One who gives and takes away. And, if God decides to take something away, by faith we can accept it, deal with the sorrow, and “know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom 8:28).

Third, we handle sinful jealousy in ourselves by pursuing Christian love, for jealousy cannot exist where love predominates. I’m speaking here about jealousy as it pertains to personal relationships. The apostle Paul, when describing the virtue of Christian love (1 Cor 13:4-8), writes about what love is and is not, and states in plain language, “Love…is not jealous” (1 Cor 13:4). Christian love is the answer to sinful jealousy. However, it is important to understand that Christian love is never manufactured on our own; rather, it is derived from God and is part of our healthy walk with Him. It is a reflection of God’s love toward us. The apostle John writes, “We love, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). That’s the order. And what was our state when God first loved us? He loved us when we were sinners and in a state of hostility toward Him. Paul states, “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). In another place he writes, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ” (Eph. 2:4-5). God’s great love springs from His character and not from any beauty or worth found in the object of His love. God loves because, “God is love” (1 John 4:8b). Over time, as we walk with God, His love becomes ingrained within us and overtakes our hearts, and the conditional human love we’re so familiar with—that is natural to us all—is exchanged for His greater love, which is selfless and sacrificial. And God’s love is gracious in that it seeks to meet the needs of others without compensation. Grace refers to kind acts freely conferred on others, without expectation of return, and deriving its source in the abundance and open-handedness of the giver. Jesus explained this kind of gracious love when He said, “love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35).

God’s Word gives us the standard for love and mature believers will display it in their lives. But love does not arise automatically in the Christian life, and it is typically not the first responder in a conflict. Love is learned, and once learned, it is applied by an act of the will by Christians who choose to love others. Love is not easy, and at times can be risky because we may be hurt. This is because the objects of our love can be offensive, and at times may hurt us. Christian love is not an emotion, for we are commanded to love, and a person cannot manufacture an emotion purely as an act of the will. Emotion follows thought. We are to love others regardless of how we feel. Mature believers learn to overcome their emotions and love others according to their needs. J. I. Packer states:

Love is a principle of action rather than of emotion. It is a purpose of honoring and benefiting the other party. It is a matter of doing things for people out of compassion for their need, whether or not we feel personal affection for them. It is by their active love to one another that Jesus’ disciples are to be recognized (John 13:34–35).^[7]

This kind of love takes time. It is the product of spiritual growth that occurs in the life of the believer who is advancing in her/his Christian walk. Those who know the Lord and walk with Him manifest His character in their lives. They love because He loves. They are gracious because He is gracious. They are kind because He is kind. They are merciful because He is merciful. Walk closely with the Lord and love will grow. Love as God loves and sinful jealousy will depart.

Summary

Jealousy can be either healthy or unhealthy, depending on the motivation of the heart. God is jealous. He is jealous to protect His glory (Isa 42:8), His name (Eze 39:25; cf. Isa 42:8), and His people (Zec 8:2). When we love what God loves, then we’ll possess a godly jealousy, like Elijah (1 Ki 19:10) and Paul (2 Cor 11:2). But when we care little about God, then sinful jealousy will dominate our hearts, and we’ll seek to destroy rather than protect and edify others, such as when Joseph’s brothers tried to kill him (Gen 37:11-28), or when the Sadducees attacked and imprisoned the apostles (Acts 5:17-18). We overcome sinful jealousy by: 1) placing God’s Word at the center of our lives and letting it direct our thoughts, words and actions (Psa 1:2; 2 Cor 10:5), 2) realizing the Lord owns everything (Psa 24:1; 89:11), and that He is free to leave or take whatever we have, including possessions, family, or health (Job 1:6-21), and, 3) that sinful jealousy cannot exist in a heart saturated with God’s love, for “Love…is not jealous” (1 Cor 13:4).

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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[1] Sometimes קָנָא qanah is translated envy, such as, “Do not envy [קָנָא qanah] a man of violence and do not choose any of his ways” (Pro 3:31), and “Do not let your heart envy [קָנָא qanah] sinners, but live in the fear of the LORD always” (Pro 23:17). The Septuagint uses ζηλόω zeloo in both instances; however, when writing about envy, the NT writers chose φθόνος phthonos rather than ζηλόω zeloo.

[2] Asaph mentions God’s jealousy when he writes, “For they provoked Him with their high places and aroused His jealousy with their graven images. When God heard, He was filled with wrath and greatly abhorred Israel.” (Psa 78:58-59; cf. 1 Ki 14:22). God’s jealousy (and anger) rises both because of the violation of a promise, and because idolatry is really the worship of demons, which destroys those whom God loves (1 Cor 10:19-22).

^[3] Wayne A. Grudem, Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine (Leicester, England; Grand Rapids, MI: Inter-Varsity Press; Zondervan Pub. House, 2004), 205.

[4] We must be careful not to feel threatened over an imaginary rival, for this can lead us down a dangerous road.

^[5] Allen C. Myers, The Eerdmans Bible Dictionary (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1987), 556.

[6] Apart from divine revelation, we’re left to invent or borrow systems of thought with no greater reference point than ourselves, which means the foundation for knowledge is based on nothing more than our finite ability to observe and reason what is. The problem is that human perception only approximates reality but never fully encompasses or understands it; therefore, all systems of human thought are limited and subject to change (reading the various publications of the DSM prove my point). Scripture tells us why things exist, why the world is the way it is, and how to live successfully in God’s will. Any system of thought that simultaneously competes with God’s Word results in cognitive dissonance, and if not resolved, will render the believer ineffective. At the moment we believe the Gospel message and are born again, we enter into our Christianity with a lifetime of human viewpoint that must be dislodged and replaced with a thorough knowledge of God’s Word. Too often, when we come to believe in Christ as Savior, we assume that God will accept our human viewpoint—which may be organized and moral—as an adequate system from which He will direct our lives. We assume He wants to rearrange the furniture in our mental home to make it more beautiful. But the reality is God does not want to rearrange the furniture in our minds; rather, He wants to tear down the entire house along with its foundation and start over. He wants to destroy all the thoughts and values that are contrary to His revealed will. But we’re required to participate in this process. We must be willing to submit to Him and begin the lifelong process of learning Scripture. This is a process that occupies all our time, every day, morning and evening, and has both defensive and offensive aspects. Defensively, we must guard our minds against worldliness that comes to us from multiple avenues such as TV, radio, music, literature, art, and conversations. Solomon tells us, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life” (Pro 4:23). Positively, we acquire divine viewpoint through the daily study of God’s Word. David writes about the godly believer, saying, “But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night” (Psa 1:2). For, “The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple” (Psa 19:7’ cf. 2 Tim 2:15; 3:16-17).

^[7] J. I. Packer, “Love” Concise Theology: A Guide to Historic Christian Beliefs (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House, 1993).

Divorce and Remarriage?

Posted on December 26, 2016 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

I’ve recently had several people ask me about divorce. It’s a difficult subject, but the Bible does address it. Scripture teaches that divorce is permissible only when a spouse offends through sexual infidelity (Matt. 5: 31-32), or when an unbelieving spouse abandons their Christian partner (1 Cor. 7:12-16). Divorce is not required, and is discouraged if any hope of saving the marriage can be found. Forgiveness and love is expected in the Christian toward the offending spouse. Remarriage is permissible when the divorce is biblical (Matt. 5:31-32), when an unbelieving spouse abandons the marriage (1 Cor. 7:12-16), or if a spouse dies (1 Cor. 7:39). The believer must only marry another believer (1 Cor. 7:39). God does not recognize divorces for nonbiblical reasons; however, if a divorced partner remarries, forming a new covenant relationship, this frees the first spouse to remarry (Deut. 24:1-4).

God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), yet, it is recorded in Scripture that God Himself issued a writ of divorce against His people, Israel, after they had repeatedly engaged in spiritual adultery, saying, “I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce” (Jer. 3:8a; cf. Isa. 50:1). The metaphor of divorce here speaks of God sending the Northern Kingdom of Israel away to their destruction under the Assyrians in 722 B.C.

Note in verse 8 [of Jeremiah 3] that God divorced Israel and that it was because of adultery. The Savior’s words in Matthew 19:9 are consistent with this. He taught that divorce is permissible for an innocent partner when the spouse has been guilty of immorality. When we read in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce, it must mean unscriptural divorce, not all divorce.^{^[1]}

(This short article is an excerpt from my book: Making a Biblical Marriage.)

Steven R. Cook, D.Min.

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^{^[1]} William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 1000.

Living By Grace

Posted on October 17, 2016 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Each time I approach the biblical subject of grace I’m repeatedly uplifted by it, for God has shown me great grace. When I think of my life I’m reminded of Hannah’s prayer, where she says of God, “He raises the poor from the dust, He lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with nobles, and inherit a seat of honor; for the pillars of the earth are the LORD’S, and He set the world on them” (1 Sam. 2:8). I am that poor and needy one He has lifted. My life is full of blessing, and it is the Lord’s goodness toward me. I am in constant need of God’s grace, and He provides it.

Grace is a characteristic of God. The Father is called “the God of all grace” (1 Pet. 5:10), the Holy Spirit is called “the Spirit of grace” (Heb. 10:29), and Jesus is said to be “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). As Christians, when we approach God, we approach Him as One who sits upon a “throne of grace” (Heb. 4:16); that is, One whose sovereign rulership is marked by grace. What a wonderful blessing.

Though there are different nuances to the word grace (Heb. חֵן chen, Grk. χάρις charis), the most common understanding is that it refers to “a beneficent disposition toward someone, favor, grace, gracious care/help, goodwill.”[1] The basic idea is that a gracious benefactor freely confers a blessing upon another without thought of merit or worthiness (Matt. 5:44-45; Rom. 11:6; Eph. 1:6; 2:1-9; 2 Tim. 1:9; Tit. 3:5-7; Heb. 4:16). The kindness here is by no means obligatory, but rather, finds its source in the goodness, abundance, and free-heartedness of the giver.

The Bible distinguishes between common grace and special grace. Common grace is that goodness God shows to everyone without exception. The Lord Jesus spoke of the Father’s grace, saying, “He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matt. 5:45). Sinner and saint both enjoy the blessings of God’s grace in the everyday provisions that sustain life. Special grace is that expression of God wherein He provides forgiveness of sins and eternal life to those who trust in Christ as their Savior (Eph. 1:7; 2:8-9; Tit. 3:5). Grace and works stand in opposition to each other; for if one can, in any sense, merit what is received, then it cannot be said to be of grace (Rom. 4:1-5; 11:6).

Hand Receiving Gift As believers in Christ, we are “justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 3:24; cf. Eph. 2:8-9), and once saved, “the grace of God” instructs us “to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age” (Tit. 2:11-12). Grace should mark our words and actions toward others. Paul writes, “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person” (Col. 4:6), and Peter says, “As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God” (1 Pet. 4:10; cf. Eph. 4:7-11; Rom. 12:6; 2 Cor. 9:8). In all things, the believer is to “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (2 Pet. 3:18).

Jesus Healing Sick I want to be gracious like my heavenly Father is gracious. I want to extend grace to others. This includes believers, unbelievers, family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and people in society. I want to be gracious because of who I am and not because of the other person. I want to love the unlovely. I want to help the needy. I want to be open-handed with the resources God has given to me. Will people abuse my kindness? Yes. I’ve learned to expect it, and I’m okay with it. In fact, I want to manifest grace to those who deserve it the least. Is there a possibility that others may mistake grace for weakness and fail to grasp what is being extended to them? Yes. I cannot help that. My being gracious must rest upon my relationship with God and what He provides, not upon the worthiness of others.

So what does grace look like? It means helping the needy and expecting nothing in return (Luke 14:12-14), showing godly love (1 Cor. 13:4-8a), forgiving those who don’t deserve it (Eph. 4:32), loving our enemies (Matt. 5:44), blessing those who persecute us (Rom. 12:14), never returning evil for evil (Rom. 12:17), not retaliating when others hurt us (Rom. 12:19; cf. 1 Pet. 2:23), using our freedoms to serve others (Gal. 5:13), and speaking words that edify (Eph. 4:29). This is by no means an exhaustive list, but is a good starting place. I pray God will teach me how to live by grace.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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[1] William Arndt, Frederick W. Danker, and Walter Bauer, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 1079.

The Characteristics of a Christian Leader

Posted on August 30, 2016 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

A Christian leader will have certain characteristics that guide his/her actions. I would argue that the believer’s good character is born out of his/her walk with God and this requires knowing God’s word in order to live God’s will.

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers! ² But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night. (Ps. 1:1-2)

O LORD, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell on Your holy hill? ² He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart. ³ He does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend. (Ps. 15:1-3)

The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the crookedness of the treacherous will destroy them. (Prov. 11:3)

In all things show yourself to be an example of good deeds, with purity in doctrine, dignified, ⁸ sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us. (Tit. 2:7-8)

A Christian leader is marked by how he/she serves and treats others. The biblical teaching is that one who wishes to lead must make himself/herself a servant to others. This requires a biblical mind and an attitude of humility.

But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. ²⁶ “It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, ²⁷ and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; ²⁸ just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Matt. 20:25-28)

“You call Me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. ¹⁴ “If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵ “For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you. ¹⁶ “Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him. ¹⁷ “If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them. (John 13:13-17)

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. ¹⁰ So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith. (Gal. 6:9-10)

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; ⁴ do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3-4)

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; ¹³ bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. ¹⁴ Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. (Col. 3:12-14)

A Christian leader may reprove others, but only because he/she cares about what is right and wants to promote justice.

You shall not hate your fellow countryman in your heart; you may surely reprove your neighbor, but shall not incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD. (Lev. 19:17-18)

Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, reprove a wise man and he will love you. (Prov. 9:8)

Learn to do good; seek justice, reprove the ruthless, defend the orphan, plead for the widow. (Isa. 1:17)

If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. (Matt. 18:15)

A Christian leader will be known by the words he/she uses when speaking to others. Rude and offensive words reveal a corrupt heart, whereas wise and gracious words reveal a good heart.

The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice. (Ps. 37:30)

The wise in heart will be called understanding, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. (Prov. 16:21)

Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him (Eccl. 10:12)

Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person. (Col. 4:6)

The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, ²⁵ with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth. (2 Tim. 2:24-25)

A Christian leader will have a calm disposition and be slow to anger.

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute. (Prov. 15:18)

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. (Prov. 16:32)

He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. (Prov. 17:27)

A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. (Prov. 19:11)

A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back. (Prov. 29:11)

A Christian leader will know how to handle the pressures of life. Pressures are inevitable, but worry is optional, because God has provided certain promises that help the Christian remain relaxed in the midst of adversity.

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; whom shall I dread? (Ps. 27:1)

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (Isa. 41:10)

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, ⁷ casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. (1 Pet. 5:6-7)

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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What Does it Mean to Be a Man?

Posted on July 18, 2015 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God. (Mic. 6:8)

What does it mean to be a man? The answers are as varied as the people who give them. Some would point to genetics, anatomy, or character. Others measure men by their accomplishments, by the battles they fight or trials they overcome.

The first man (Adam) was created in God’s image (Gen. 1:26-27). He was assigned specific responsibilities as a steward of God’s creation (Gen. 2:15-18). He was created to be in a relationship with the Lord, to think and act in conformity to His character. He was also created to be in a relationship with a woman (Gen. 2:21-25), who was equally made in God’s image (Gen. 1:27). Since the historical fall (Gen. 3:1-7), manhood has been diminished and perverted, as men often seek to define themselves independently of God and contrary to His original design. The world has many worthless men (Deut. 13:13; Prov. 6:12-14; 16:27-28), and some have perverted their relationship with women (Lev. 18:22; 20:13; Rom. 1:24-32; 1 Cor. 6:9-10).

There is no greater expression of manhood than the Lord Jesus Christ. At a point in time, nearly two thousand years ago, the eternal Son of God became a man (John 1:1, 14). He manifested grace and truth (John 1:17), lived a holy life (John 6:69; Heb. 7:26), faced adversity with Scripture (Matt. 4:1-11), and perpetually pleased His Father (John 8:29). He came not to be served, “but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). He always spoke truth, both strong and gentle (Matt. 23:13-39; John 8:1-11), even in the face of hostility (John 8:40). He welcomed children (Matt. 19:13-14), cared for the sick (Matt. 8:14-16; 14:14), fed the hungry (Mark 6:35-44), and made the humble feel loved and welcome (Luke 7:36-50). The King of kings and Lord of lords manifested Himself as the Servant of servants when He humbled Himself and washed the feet of His disciples that they might learn humility (John 13:1-17). By the end of His earthly life He’d completed His Father’s work, saying, “I glorified You on the earth, having accomplished the work which You have given Me to do” (John 17:4), then He faced the cross and laid down His life for others (John 10:11, 15, 17; 1 Cor. 15:3-4). The Giver of life has given His life that others might know His Father’s love (1 John 3:16).

A man, in the biblical sense, is a man who models his life after Christ. He is a Christian in the fullest sense of the word. He is, first and foremost, in a relationship with the Man, the Lord Jesus Christ and has been born again into a new life (1 Pet. 1:3). As he grows spiritually, the Christian man learns to put on “a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Col. 3:12). He rejects “ungodliness and worldly desires” and lives “sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age” (Tit 2:12). He continually studies Scripture in order to live God’s will (2 Tim. 2:15; 1 Pet. 2:2; 2 Pet. 3:18), and strives toward spiritual maturity (2 Tim. 3:16-17; Eph. 4:11-16). He regards others as more important than himself and looks out for the interests of others (Phil. 2:3-4). He is filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18) and walks in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16). He lives in fellowship with God (1 John 1:5-7), trusting the Lord to guide and sustain him in all things (Prov. 3:5-6). He admits his faults to God (1 John 1:9) and accepts the consequences of his actions. His life is constantly being transformed to become like the One who saved him (Rom. 8:29; 12:1-2). He delights himself in the ways of the Lord (Ps. 1:1-3), walks humbly (Mic. 6:8), and pursues righteousness, justice and love (Ps. 132:9; Tit. 2:11-12). He does not love the world (1 John 2:15-17), but shows grace and love to those who do (Matt. 5:43-45; Rom. 12:19-21). He shows love to other Christians (1 Thess. 4:9; 1 John 3:23), and helps the needy, the widow and orphan (Prov. 14:31; Jam. 1:27). As a son, he honors his father and mother (Eph. 6:1-3), as a husband, he loves his wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25; Col. 3:19; 1 Pet. 3:7), and as a father, he teaches his children the ways of the Lord (Eph. 6:4; cf. Deut. 6:5-7). These are just some of the characteristics of the mature Christian man.

Steven R. Cook, D.Min.

What the Bible States About Marriage

Posted on July 11, 2015 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

For those who do not know, an evangelical is one who holds to the essentials of the Christian faith. The first of those essentials is an adherence to the Bible as God’s inerrant, infallible and authoritative truth. The Bible is a revelation from God to man. It does not address every subject, but what it does reveal is absolutely true about God, history, science, mankind, spirituality and morals.

God’s Word Defines Marriage

God’s Word reveals marriage is a divine institution and not a human social construct. Marriage is a covenant relationship between a man and a woman and is intended to be for a lifetime. Marriage began with the first humans—male and female—at the beginning of time-space-history (Gen 1:26-28; 2:18-25). Concerning marriage, Moses wrote “a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). Jesus stated marriage began in the Garden of Eden and is between a man and a woman. Jesus said, “And He answered and said, ‘Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? [Gen 2:24] So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” (Matt 19:4-6)

Two immediate observations come out of Jesus statement: 1) marriage is a divine institution that was given to mankind at the beginning of time-space-history and, 2) marriage is between one man and one woman. In Scripture, marriage is regarded as a holy institution. Marriage is illustrative of Yahweh’s relationship with Israel (Isa 54:5), and Christ’s relationship with the church (2 Cor 11:2; Eph 5:22-33). To pervert the institution of marriage—by definition and practice—is an attack on the God who gave it. Any deviation from this biblical model of marriage is a sin.

What is the Christian Response Toward Those Who Disagree with the Bible?

The Christian response is to speak and act with dignity. We are to be clear in speaking God’s truth to people who are made in His image (fallen as they are). We are to point them to Christ that they might turn to Him for salvation and be born again to a new spiritual life (1 Pet 1:3, 23). We are to “speak the truth in love” (Eph 4:15), “with grace” (Col 4:6), and “with gentleness and respect” (1 Pet 3:15). Scripture tells us:

The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will. (2 Tim 2:24-26).

We know God is always present, working in the hearts of others (John 16:7-11), and will use us to speak truth and share Christ to those who will listen. We also realize most don’t want to hear God’s Word (John 3:19-20), and will not accept His message (Matt 7:13-14), so we leave them to God’s judgment (Matt 10:14-15; Rev 20:11-15). Whatever the response of others, our role is to know God’s will and to walk with Him.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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Marriage Vows and Ceremonies

Posted on June 23, 2015 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Marriage is a covenant relationship (Prov. 2:17; Ezek. 16:8; Mal. 2:14-15; Matt. 19:6). In Scripture, the word covenant (Heb. בְּרִית berith, Grk. διαθήκη diatheke) is used of a treaty, alliance, or contract. The strength of a covenant depends on the person, or persons, who enter into it. Some covenants are vertical between God and individuals or groups, and some are horizontal between people. Some of God’s covenants are unilateral, in which God acts alone and unconditionally promises to provide and bless another, either a person or group (e.g. Noahic covenant, Abrahamic covenant, Davidic covenant, New Covenant, etc.). In a unilateral covenant, God will always bless the recipients, and there is no fear of God doing otherwise, because the blessing is in no way conditioned on any action by those whom God assures blessing (e.g. Gen. 12:1-3; Jer. 31:31-34). Some of God’s covenants are bilateral, in which blessing or cursing is conditioned on obedience to stated laws (e.g. Adamic covenant and Mosaic covenant). In a bilateral covenant, God is faithful to bless and curse depending on compliance to the agreed upon conditions set forth (see Deuteronomy Chapter 28). God is always faithful to keep His promises in both unilateral and bilateral covenants. In the Bible there are examples of people who made bilateral covenants among themselves (Gen. 21:27; 31:44-54; Josh. 9:15; 1 Sam. 18:3; 2 Sam. 3:12-13). Covenants made by people are generally bilateral, depending on the faithfulness of each person to keep their promise.

In making covenants God was solemnly invoked as a witness (31:53), whence the expression “a covenant of the Lord” (1 Sam. 20:8; cf. Jer. 34:18–19; Ezek. 17:19), and an oath was sworn (Gen. 21:31). Accordingly, a breach of covenant was regarded as a heinous sin (Ezek. 17:12–20). The marriage contract is called “the covenant of … God” (Prov. 2:17).^{^[1]}

The marriage covenant is a bilateral agreement in which both persons promise, before God and others, to love each other faithfully. It is regarded as a bilateral covenant—depending on the faithfulness of each person to each other—because God permits a way out of the relationship by divorce (Deut. 24:1-3; Matt. 5:32; 19:8-9). A unilateral covenant would make no stipulations on the relationship.

The marriage covenant glorifies God when the man and woman commit to love each other, to seek God’s best in each other, and to remain faithful to their promises. Typically, marriage vows are thoughtful, addressing the reality of good and bad circumstances, the influence of wealth or poverty, sickness and health. A vow is a promise, and a promise is only as strong as the person who makes it. Often we vow to be committed to each other and to endure all tests and trials until separated by death. We may not like the tests or trials that come our way, but it’s only in those situations that a person’s integrity becomes manifest.

Marriage ceremonies mentioned in the Bible varied depending on the people and culture. Sometimes we read about arranged marriages without any mention of a wedding ceremony at all (Gen. 21:21; 38:6; 1 Sam. 18:17). Other times we read of great feasting and celebration during the wedding (Gen. 29:22; Judg. 14:12; Matt. 22:1-12; Luke 14:8-11; John 2:1-10). The Bible does not prescribe a specific marriage ceremony, and each couple is free to follow whatever customs are particular to their culture so long as it conforms to the laws and customs of a nation (Rom. 13:1, 5; 1 Pet. 2:13-14). (this article is an excerpt from my book: Making a Biblical Marriage)

Steven R. Cook, D.Min.

^{^[1]} Merrill F. Unger, et al., “Covenant” in The New Unger’s Bible Dictionary, Rev. and updated ed. (Chicago: Moody Press, 1988).

Making a Biblical Marriage

Posted on June 16, 2015 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

Marriage is a divine institution originally designed to permanently unite a man and a woman (Gen. 2:18-25). It is not a human invention. The first couple was created in God’s image to live under His provision and authority, to walk in fellowship with Him, and to fulfill the specific purpose of ruling over His creation (Gen. 1:26-28). They were to complement each other. All three members of the Trinity[1] were involved in the creation of Adam and Eve (Gen. 1:26-28). “God created man in His own image [Heb. צֶלֶם tselem], in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Gen 1:27). Adam and Eve were special, created with intelligence, volition, and purpose. They were created for a relationship; first with God, then with each other, then the animals and world around them. They were to fulfill the divine mandate to “be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth” (Gen. 1:28). Adam and Eve were created in a state of maturity as perfectly functioning adults and were gifted with brilliant minds that were able to correctly perceive their environment and to properly communicate with God and each other. They possessed a clear sense of purpose under the authority of God.

Genesis chapter one provides a snapshot of the creation of the first couple; however, in Genesis chapter two, we learn there was a short lapse of time between the creation of Adam and Eve (cf. 1 Tim. 2:13). Adam, by himself, was placed in the Garden of Eden with the positive command “to cultivate it and keep it” (Gen 2:15). Adam was free to work and enjoy the beauty and fruit of the Garden. God blessed Adam and provided for him (Gen. 2:15-16), but also promised spiritual and physical death if he sinned (Gen. 2:17). Later, both Adam and Eve would eat the forbidden fruit (Gen. 3:1-8), but Adam’s sin alone would bring judgment upon himself and the world, for which he was responsible. When Adam fell, the world under his care fell with him (Gen. 3:17-19; Rom. 5:12-14; 8:22-23; 1 Tim. 2:13-14).

Originally, Adam was created sinless, with the unhindered capacity to walk with God and serve Him. Though he was sinless, Adam was not complete. God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [Heb. עֵזֶר ezer] suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). Before God created the first woman, He took time to educate Adam about his relational incompleteness. God brought a multitude of animals before Adam (most likely in pairs of male and female), and after observing and naming them (Gen. 2:19), Adam realized “there was not found a helper [Heb. עֵזֶר ezer] suitable for him” (Gen 2:20). God corrected what Adam could not. The Lord caused Adam to fall asleep and “took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place” (Gen. 2:21). God then “fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man” (Gen. 2:22). This was a divinely arranged marriage.

Woman was taken not from Adam’s head to dominate him, nor from his feet to be trodden down, but from under his arm to be protected, and from near his heart to be loved.^{^[2]}

The wife was created to “help” her husband (Gen. 2:20). The word helper (עֵזֶר.Heb ezer) is an exalted term that is sometimes employed of God who helps the needy (Gen. 49:25; Ex. 18:4; 1 Sam. 7:12; Isa. 41:10; Ps. 10:14; 33:20). Just as God helps His people to do His will, so the wife is called to help her husband serve the Lord and bring Him glory. The wife is also to respect her husband (Eph. 5:33), both in private and in public.

Sin changed humanity and the world in which we live. Satan (a fallen angel) attacked the first marriage and tempted the man and woman to disobey God (Gen. 3:1-7). Adam and Eve listened to Satan and rejected God’s will (Gen. 2:15-17; 3:1-8), and sin was introduced into the human race and the whole world is now under a curse (Gen. 3:8-19; Rom. 5:12-19; 8:20-22). Eve was deceived by Satan, but Adam sinned with his eyes open (1 Tim. 2:14).

The institution of marriage continued after the historic fall of Adam and Eve and took on various ceremonies based on ever changing social customs. The Bible directs believers to marry believers (1 Cor. 7:39; cf. 2 Cor. 6:14-15), but does not prescribe a specific ceremony to follow, or vows to take, but leaves these matters for people to decide for themselves. Marriage is divinely illustrative of Yahweh’s relationship with Israel (Isa. 54:5), and Christ’s relationship with the church (2 Cor. 11:2). Marriage is to be holy, because God is holy (1 Pet. 1:15-16). Marriage is to be loving, because God is love (1 John 4:16-21).

God designed the husband to be the loving leader to guide the relationship into His will, and the wife is to walk in harmony with him (Gen. 2:18; 21-23; cf. Eph. 5:25-33). The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church (Eph. 5:25). Biblically, this is called agape love.

Love [Grk. ἀγάπη agape] is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails (1 Cor. 13:4-8a)

Agape love brings God into every relationship, provides spiritual nourishment, conforms to God’s will, and seeks God’s glory. It stands the test of time and survives in the furnace of affliction. It is sacrificial (Eph. 5:25; cf. Matt. 20:28; John 13:34; 15:13; Rom. 5:8; 14:15; 15:3), understanding and honoring (1 Pet. 3:7), and greater than feelings (Col. 3:19). It is, in fact, God’s love, born in the heart of the believer who walks with God and desires His closeness.

God’s love comes from God, and only those who know God and walk with Him will manifest His love (1 John 4:10-21). There is a biblical love and there is a worldly love. Biblical love has its source in God who always seeks our best. Worldly love is deceptive, self-serving and destructive, just as Satan is deceptive, self-serving and destructive. We cannot give what we do not have, and only those who know and walk with God can manifest His love. Anyone who claims to love but does not know God or walk with Him is a deceiver, and this one leads others into sin. A successful marriage is built on Scripture and displays God’s love.

Where there is constant spiritual development in the life of a Christian couple, there will be the gradual manifestation of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, [and] self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23a). We manifest these qualities because we walk with God and desire to reflect His character. Walking with God means we become more and more like Him, gradually manifesting His attributes, such as righteousness (Ps. 11:7; 119:137), justice (Ps. 9:7-8; 50:6), holiness (Ps. 99:9), truthfulness (2 Sam. 7:28; John 17:17; 1 John 5:20), love (Jer. 31:3; 1 John 4:7-12, 16), faithfulness (Deut. 7:9; Lam. 3:23; 2 Tim. 2:13), mercy (Ps. 86:15; Luke 6:36; Tit. 3:5), and graciousness (Ps. 111:4; 116:5; 1 Pet. 5:10). These attributes will strengthen the marriage, but they must be pursued intelligently and by choice.

Steven R. Cook, D.Min.

[This article is taken from my book: Making a Biblical Marriage]

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[1] The three persons of the Godhead include God the Father (Gal. 1:1; Phil. 2:11), God the Son (John 1:1, 14; 20:28), and God the Holy Spirit (Acts 5:3-4). God is one in essence (Deut. 6:4), and three in Person (Matt. 28:19; 1 Pet. 1:2).

^{^[2]} William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 35.

Choose a Christian Spouse

Posted on July 12, 2012 by Dr. Steven R. Cook

The spiritual life advances in a unique direction when a husband and wife are growing together in the Lord. The spiritual marriage consists of two believers who consistently submit to God the Holy Spirit and permit Him to accomplish His will in their lives as a couple. When two believers, a man and a woman, unite together in Christian marriage and individually choose to love and live for Christ above each other, they will have a marriage marked by the highest Christian virtues that will sustain them throughout their marriage and they will know a joy that transcends the circumstances and trials of life.

In order to have a successful Christian marriage, it must be God centered, biblically based, and Spirit led. The growth of the marriage is directly proportional to the spiritual growth of each individual believer. As goes the spiritual walk of each believer, so goes the health of the marriage. To achieve growth within a marriage each believer must have a biblical understanding of what is foundationally necessary for spiritual success. The Bible is authoritative to speak to the Christian marriage and it must be studied, learned and lived.

For strength and unity to exist in a marriage, there must be a bond of commitment, and willingness to give of oneself for the wellbeing of the other. Believers must always guard themselves against the weakening instinct of selfishness and consciously choose to live and love sacrificially for the benefit of the marriage partner.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (Phil. 2:3-4)

The world often promotes a happy marriage, but God promotes a biblical marriage. There’s a difference. A biblical marriage is a healthy marriage, which conforms to God’s Word. I’ve seen happy marriages that were not biblical, as the husband and wife lived in blatant sin, defying God’s Word in every way. By worldly standards their marriage was a success, but biblically, it was a complete failure because God was given little or no place in their relationship. I’ve also seen biblical marriages where both Christians struggled against the pressures of the world, yet they had a peace and joy that transcended their circumstances, because they trusted in the Lord and looked to Him in everything (Phil. 4:6-7).

Christians are to marry only other Christians who are “in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).[1] The Christian should never knowingly marry an unbeliever, for this would join someone who is spiritually alive with someone who is spiritually dead. The unbeliever cannot be spiritual or live in God’s will, for he resides in a perpetual state of spiritual death until he turns to Christ for salvation. The Christian who knowingly marries an unbeliever is openly disobeying Scripture and asking for all sorts of problems. It’s better to obey the Lord and marry a growing believer so blessing can come.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

[1] Some have sought to make Paul’s command “do not be bound together with unbelievers” apply to Christian marriage (2 Cor. 6:14). Within its context, Paul was not talking about Christian marriage, but was commanding Christians in the church not to be united with false teachers. However, one could argue that if one should not be bound together with an unbeliever in the church, how much more does that hold true in biblical marriage?!

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