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Be Wise as Serpents and Innocent as Doves

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Jesus told His disciples, “I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matt 10:16). There are times when Christians will find themselves in the midst of a pack of wolves, which is a dangerous situation. When this happens, they should maintain purity in their intentions while being shrewd in their conduct to avoid unwarranted harm.[1] Doves are known to avoid conflict; likewise, Christians should wisely avoid confrontations and attacks whenever possible. Here is wisdom: if possible, Christians should “be at peace with all men” (Rom 12:18b). However, sometimes it is not possible to be at peace with everyone. When faced with unavoidable harm or injustice, Jesus’ disciples were instructed to be shrewd. The word “shrewd” translates the Greek adjective phronimos (φρόνιμος), which means to think, to have understanding, or to be wise. It is commonly translated as “shrewd,” “wise,” “prudent,” or “sensible.” In the context of Matthew 10:16, where Jesus tells His disciples to be “shrewd as serpents,” the term emphasizes the need for Christians to be wise and discerning in their interactions and decisions, particularly in challenging or hostile environments (i.e., among wolves).

A New Testament Example of Shrewdness

When facing an unjust situation, the apostle Paul behaved shrewdly and used a clever strategy to protect himself. In Acts 23:1-10, Paul confronted corrupt leadership and potential violence. By claiming he was on trial for his belief in the resurrection, he created a division between the Pharisees and Sadducees. This tactic shifted the focus of the confrontation and safeguarded him from an injustice. This strategy highlights Paul’s wisdom and resourcefulness, as his statement, while truthful, also disrupted the unified opposition against him and demonstrated his skill in leveraging the dynamics of his audience to his advantage.

Paul before PhariseesIn Acts 23, the apostle Paul stood before his Jewish brethren, defending himself against unjust charges. After declaring that he had a clear conscience before God (Acts 23:1), Paul was struck on the mouth by order of the high priest Ananias (Acts 23:2). This act of violence was completely unwarranted. The high priest, who was supposed to uphold the fairness of the Mosaic Law in trials, violated this principle by ordering Paul to be punished before the trial had even begun. This behavior by Ananias is consistent from what we know about him historically. The ancient historian, Josephus, said Ananias “was a great hoarder up of money…and he also had servants who were very wicked, who joined themselves to the boldest sort of the people, and went to the threshing floors, and took away the tithes that belonged to the priests by violence, and did not refrain from beating such as would not give these tithes to them”[2] Warren Wiersbe agrees, saying, “Ananias was indeed one of the most corrupt men ever to be named high priest. He stole tithes from the other priests and did all he could to increase his authority. He was known as a brutal man who cared more for Rome’s favor than for Israel’s welfare.”[3]

Paul reacted and made a scathing comment to the high priest, saying, “God is going to strike you, you whitewashed wall! Do you sit to try me according to the Law, and in violation of the Law order me to be struck?” (Acts 23:3). Interestingly, Jesus also questioned the violence done against Him when He was struck on the mouth (John 18:22-23).

Paul was challenged by bystanders who asked, “Do you revile God’s high priest?” (Acts 23:4). In response, Paul apologized, stating, “I was not aware, brethren, that he was high priest; for it is written, ‘You shall not speak evil of a ruler of your people’” (Acts 23:5; cf. Ex 22:28). Paul might not have recognized the high priest, or he could have been sarcastic, given that a law-abiding high priest would not have commanded such unjust violence.

Argument between Pharisees and Sadducees 2In that moment, Paul realized he would not receive justice from the corrupt leadership, so he took the offensive by making statements that divided his hearers. Luke reports that Paul, “perceiving that one group were Sadducees and the other Pharisees, began crying out in the Council, ‘Brethren, I am a Pharisee, a son of Pharisees; I am on trial for the hope and resurrection of the dead!’” (Acts 23:6). As a result, “there occurred a dissension between the Pharisees and Sadducees, and the assembly was divided” (Acts 23:7). Paul lobbed his words into the Council like a grenade into an enemy foxhole, knowing it would cause an emotional explosion. His tactic succeeded, as his words led to “a great uproar” (Acts 23:9a) and “a great dissension” (Acts 23:10a) among the leadership who were unjustly treating him. The result was that Paul was rescued by a Roman commander who pulled him out of the unjust and dangerous situation (Acts 23:10b).

In summary, Paul’s actions in Acts 23:1-10 exemplify the wisdom and shrewdness Jesus advised in Matthew 10:16. By strategically claiming he was on trial for his belief in the resurrection, Paul created a division between the Pharisees and Sadducees, effectively shifting the focus away from himself and protecting himself from an unjust and dangerous situation. This clever maneuver demonstrated Paul’s ability to navigate a hostile situation with prudence and resourcefulness, aligning with Jesus’ teaching to be “wise as serpents” while maintaining integrity. Paul’s strategy to disrupt his accusers and safeguard himself showcases the application of this principle in a real-life context.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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[1] Similarly, in the parable of the unjust steward in Luke 16:1-8, Jesus acknowledges the steward’s shrewdness in handling his predicament, though He does not endorse his dishonesty. This parable illustrates that while shrewdness can be useful in navigating complex situations, it must be accompanied by righteousness and integrity.

[2] Flavius Josephus and William Whiston, The Works of Josephus: Complete and Unabridged (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1987), 538.

[3] Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary, vol. 1 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1996), 494.

Toughminded and Tenderhearted

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Lamb and DoveShrewdness is a quality that God’s people should possess. By shrewdness, I mean possessing divine wisdom that leads to thoughtful, wise, and sensible behavior. In the NT, Jesus instructed His disciples, saying, “I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves” (Matt 10:16). In this perilous world filled with potential harm from wolf-like individuals, Christians are urged not to adopt a similar aggressive stance or conform to worldly standards. Unlike wolves, who hunt for self-interest, believers are called to emulate the traits of sheep and innocent doves—animals that pose no threat and actively avoid unnecessary conflict. As followers of Christ, our role is that of peacemakers rather than troublemakers. Despite the dangers and hostile forces at play in the world, Jesus doesn’t remove us from the environment but advises us to be “shrewd as serpents” (Matt 10:16b). The word shrewd translates the Greek adjective phronimos (φρόνιμος), which pertains to “understanding associated with insight and wisdom, sensible, thoughtful, prudent, wise.”[1] The OT meaning is similar.[2] In the context of Jesus’ guidance, being shrewd as a serpent is portrayed as a positive and desirable quality, for the snake will generally move quietly through its environment, unnoticed by others, avoiding trouble, until threatened. However, this wisdom should be balanced with the characteristic of being “innocent as doves”, which connotes maintaining a virtuous and innocent character. Pursuing innocence without wisdom will lead to naivety, and this should be avoided. Therefore, Christians are called to exercise wisdom when navigating potential threats, and avoiding unnecessary danger when possible.[3] The directive is to be simultaneously toughminded and tenderhearted—wise and discerning, yet harmless as sheep and innocent as doves.

Interestingly, the Greek adjective phronimos (φρόνιμος) was used by Jesus when describing an unrighteous steward (Luke 16:8)—a financial planner—who mishandled his master’s wealth (Luke 16:1-2). Recognizing that his time was running short, the dishonest steward astutely evaluated his situation and took shrewd measures to protect his own financial interests (Luke 16:3-7). Jesus reported the words of the steward’s master, who “praised the unrighteous manager because he had acted shrewdly” (Luke 16:8a). That is, the master praised the steward for his ingenuity. Jesus then drew a comparison between the wicked steward and believers, saying, “for the sons of this age are more shrewd in relation to their own kind than the sons of light” (Luke 16:8b). The “sons of this age” are those who live by worldly values that promote dishonesty and self-interest. The “sons of light” refers to believers who live by the light of God’s Word and pursue righteousness and selfless living. It is generally true that Christians are not as shrewd or aggressive in planning for their eternal home and rewards in heaven as unbelievers are about their temporal home on earth. Jesus then advised His disciples, saying, “And I say to you, make friends for yourselves by means of the wealth of unrighteousness, so that when it fails, they will receive you into the eternal dwellings” (Luke 16:9). Though this is a difficult saying, the simple takeaway is: Christians can learn from unbelievers by learning to think ahead and plan for the future, albeit by honest means. According to John Martin, “The dishonest manager had not done a good thing. But he had been careful to plan ahead, using material things to insure a secure future. Jesus was not teaching that His disciples should be dishonest. He was teaching that they should use material things for future spiritual benefit. This was a good lesson from a bad example.”[4] From these passages on shrewdness, the following applications are drawn:

  1. Be wise in this world: believers should approach the challenges of the world with wisdom, insight, and prudence. This means making thoughtful and strategic decisions, understanding the environment, and being aware of potential dangers.
  2. Be harmless and gentle: while being shrewd, believers are directed to avoid engaging in harmful, deceitful, or malicious behavior. This underscores the idea of combining toughness of mind with tenderness of heart.
  3. Avoid being naïve: the caution against innocence coupled with ignorance highlights the need for believers to be discerning and not naïve. While maintaining a pure and gentle spirit, it’s important to be aware of the realities of the world and exercise discernment in interactions and decision-making.
  4. Learn from negative examples: the reference to the unrighteous steward serves as a negative example from which positive lessons can be drawn. Believers are encouraged to learn from the shrewdness displayed by the steward in planning for the future, without endorsing dishonesty. It emphasizes the importance of using material resources wisely for spiritual benefit.
  5. Use resources strategically: Jesus’ advice to “make friends for yourselves by means of the wealth of unrighteousness” encourages believers to use their material resources wisely and strategically. This suggests a focus on leveraging temporal resources for eternal purposes, emphasizing the importance of considering long-term spiritual benefits in one’s actions.
  6. Balance toughness and tenderness: Jesus’ message encourages a balance between being tough-minded and tender-hearted. Believers are called to navigate the world with wisdom and shrewdness, yet maintain a character marked by innocence, gentleness, and a commitment to peace.

In summary, the teachings of Jesus in Matthew 10:16 and Luke 16:1-9 call believers to navigate the challenges of the world with a balanced approach, being “shrewd as serpents” by exercising wisdom and strategic thinking, while also remaining harmless “as sheep” and “innocent as doves” by maintaining honesty and moral purity. These lessons underscore the importance of discernment, strategic use of resources, learning from both positive and negative examples, and ultimately leveraging worldly aspects for eternal purposes. The overall message advocates for a harmonious blend of toughness of mind and tenderness of heart in the pursuit of a wise and righteous life.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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[1] William Arndt et al., A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000), 1066.

[2] In the Greek OT (the Septuagint), a few passages use phronimos (φρόνιμος) as a suitable synonym of the Hebrew word bin (בִּין), which means, “to be discerning, to have understanding” (HALOT, 122), as well as the Hebrew adjective chakam (חָכָם), which means, to be “skillful…clever, experienced…wise” (HALOT, 314). In two passages, it is shown that discernment and wisdom come from God. Joseph was said to be a man who was “discerning and wise” (Gen 41:39), and this because the Lord’s favor was upon him. And God told Solomon, “I have given you a wise and discerning heart” (1 Ki 3:12), which Solomon was to use to lead God’s people into righteous living. Throughout Proverbs, the phronimos person knows how to control his speech, for “the one who has discernment holds his tongue” (Prov 11:12). Additionally, he is described as one who stays calm, for “The truly wise person restrains his words, and the one who stays calm is discerning” (Prov 17:27). Furthermore, “knowledge is easy to one who has discernment” (Prov 14:6b), and this serves him well, as the “sensible person stays on the right path” (Prov 15:21), which is the path of righteousness that God has laid out for the one who fears Him. Concerning Proverbs 15:21, John Kitchen notes, “The idea is that, while the fool gleefully stumbles headlong toward destruction as he chases every fleeting pleasure, the ‘man of understanding’ chooses his course carefully, weighing each choice by what is right before God and man” (Proverbs: A Mentor Commentary, 338). The phronimos person seeks knowledge, as “The mind of the discerning acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks it” (Prov 18:15). And he is correctable, for “A rebuke goes deeper into one who has discernment than a hundred blows into a fool” (Prov 17:10), and “correct a discerning person, and he will gain knowledge” (Prov 19:25b).

[3] Jesus used the word phronimos when teaching His disciples, saying, “everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise [phronimos] man who built his house on the rock” (Matt 7:24). In this context, wisdom in both the acquisition of divine revelation (“hears these words of Mine”) and the application of it to everyday life (“and acts on them”).

[4] John A. Martin, “Luke,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 246.

Beyond the Fragrance: The Enduring Legacy of a Good Name

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Perfume BottleSolomon wrote, “A good name is better than a good perfume, and the day of one’s death is better than the day of one’s birth” (Eccl 7:1). This seems antithetical to our worldly culture. That’s fine. God’s Word always challenges our secular viewpoint. A good name speaks of a good character, and a good character is more desirable than a good perfume. But why does Solomon say a good name is better than a good perfume? I’m glad you asked. In the ancient world, perfume was used at funerals to mask a body’s decay, and it was used on all, both the good and the evil. But whereas the pleasant aroma of good perfume is temporary, a good name will endure. It will endure to the end of one’s life and beyond. For this reason Solomon says, “the day of one’s death is better than the day of one’s birth.” But what is Solomon talking about? Why is the day of one’s death better than the day of one’s birth? I’m glad you asked. A birth marks a beginning of life, one with numerous possibilities, either for wisdom or folly, righteousness or wickedness, goodness or evil. Though there are forces at work (within and without) to push and pull us one way or another, our life is what we make it. And our value system and the daily choices we make, whether biblical or worldly, will direct us onto the path of righteousness or wickedness, and every moment is a choice to continue along that path or turn from it. For the righteous, as long as we are alive and walking with the Lord, there’s the possibility our good name may become ruined if we turn from that path. But if we maintain our goodness and integrity to the end of our life, our good reputation will be sealed forever. And among the righteous, “A good name is to be more desired than great wealth, and favor is better than silver and gold” (Prov 22:1), and “The memory of the righteous is blessed, but the name of the wicked will rot” (Prov 10:7). The death of the righteous is like the setting of the sun on a beautiful day, with bright rays shining through the clouds and lighting the sky on fire for all to enjoy and revel in its glory.

Ironically, Solomon failed to abide by the wisdom he gave to others. For Solomon, who started out well in life, eventually turned away from the Lord and chose a path of idolatry and wickedness. At the end of his life, Scripture reveals that “Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, and did not follow the LORD fully, as David his father had done” (1 Ki 11:6). Though good perfume was used on Solomon’s body at the time of his death, his good name was tarnished by his evil actions.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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Being the Good Boss

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Good BossGood character is never automatic but is consciously developed over many years through right learning and living amidst trials, storms, and conflicts. It is an inescapable truth that strong character—like a strong body—is forged through training and testing. As the adage goes, “No pain, no gain.” If we are willing, we can view life’s trials as opportunities to make us better rather than bitter. We can voluntarily submit ourselves to the furnace of affliction, which burns away the dross of weak character and cultivates those golden qualities that reflect the highest and best in humanity. Over time, we may even learn to smile at the storm, knowing the One who sends it and trusting that it comes with a purpose—one that includes developing the good character that could not mature by any other means.

But there are other forces at work in the world—other value systems that are harmful and may lead me down destructive paths. Any dead fish can float downstream with the current, but it takes someone who is alive and strong to swim against it. I want to be that person. I want to be the kind of person who desires to walk with God daily and who helps and encourages others to do the same. God has granted me the privilege of leadership in my marriage, in Bible class, and as a supervisor at work. I take these responsibilities very seriously because I understand that who I am and how I live influences the thoughts and actions of others. The following is a list of good character qualities I aspire to cultivate, though it is by no means exhaustive. I see a good leader as one who:

  1. Submits to God. “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” (Jam 4:7). ”I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship” (Rom 12:1).
  2. Resists conformity to the world. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect” (Rom 12:2).
  3. Lives by Faith. “But My righteous one will live by faith; and if he draws back, I have no pleasure in him” (Heb 10:38). “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him” (Heb 11:6).
  4. Possesses integrity. God said of king David, “So he shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart, and guided them with his skillful hands” (Psa 78:72). “He who walks in integrity walks securely, but he who perverts his ways will be found out” (Prov 10:9). Having integrity means a person is not artificial, but is genuine in character, honest in speech and faithful to promises.
  5. Does not slander others. “The Lord states, ‘You shall not bear a false report; do not join your hand with a wicked man to be a malicious witness’” (Ex 23:1; cf. Psa 15:3; Pro 11:3; Tit 2:7-8).
  6. Associates with wise persons and listens to their counsel. “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Prov 13:20). “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel. (Prov 12:15).
  7. Governs wisely. “By me [wisdom] kings reign, and rulers decree justice. By me princes rule, and nobles, all who judge rightly” (Prov 8:15-16).
  8. Does not befriend immoral persons. “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers!” (Psa 1:1). “I do not sit with deceitful men, nor will I go with pretenders” (Psa 26:4).
  9. Prays often. “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints” (Eph 6:18). “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Th 5:16-18).
  10. Brings stability to those under his/her care. “The king gives stability to the land by justice, but a man who takes bribes overthrows it” (Prov 29:4).
  11. Cares about justice. “You shall do no injustice in judgment; you shall not be partial to the poor nor defer to the great, but you are to judge your neighbor fairly” (Lev 19:15). “He has told you what is good and what it is the LORD requires of you: to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God” (Mic 6:8).
  12. Searches to find the facts of a matter before rendering judgment. “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him. (Prov 18:13). “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter” (Prov 25:2).
  13. Preserves the rights of others by clear thinking. “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to desire strong drink, for they will drink and forget what is decreed, and pervert the rights of all the afflicted” (Prov 31:4-5).
  14. Educates and delegates responsibility to trusted persons. Moses’ father-in-law, Jethro, told him, “select out of all the people able men who fear God, men of truth, those who hate dishonest gain; and you shall place these over them as leaders of thousands, of hundreds, of fifties and of tens. Let them judge the people at all times; and let it be that every major dispute they will bring to you, but every minor dispute they themselves will judge. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you” (Ex 18:21-22).
  15. Is compassionate, kind, humble, gentle, patient, forgiving and loving. “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity” (Col 3:12-14) “I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love” (Eph 4:1-2).
  16. Looks out for the interests of others. “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Phil 2:3-4).
  17. Encourages and builds others up. “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for building someone up according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” (Eph 4:29). “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing” (1 Th 5:11).
  18. Pursues peace rather than strife. “Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it” (Psa 34:14). “So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another” (Rom 14:19).
  19. Recognizes his/her authority and uses it to serve others, not to tear them down. “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matt 20:25-28; cf. John 13:1-17).
  20. Rebukes wickedness. “He who says to the wicked, ‘You are righteous,’ peoples will curse him, nations will abhor him; but to those who rebuke the wicked will be delight, and a good blessing will come upon them” (Pro 24:24-25). “We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone” (1 Th 5:14).
  21. Is slow to anger. “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city” (Pro 16:32). “He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding” (Prov 17:27; cf. 15:18; 19:11; 29:11).
  22. Is not argumentative. “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth” (2 Tim 2:24-25).
  23. Uses wise and gracious words. “The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice” (Psa 37:30).  “Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him” (Eccl 10:12), and “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person” (Col 4:6).

On a day-to-day basis, good leaders listen to their team, stand up for them, trust them, and refrain from micromanaging every aspect of their work. They communicate clearly, consistently, and collaboratively. They seek advice, listen to concerns, and consult their team on the best solutions for success. They set high expectations and encourage others to strive for excellence, operating according to agency standards and reaching for new heights. They also care about the well-being of their team outside of work, promoting good physical, social, and mental health.

Good leaders can be tough when necessary. They live in reality and understand that some individuals may not respond positively to their leadership. In such cases, they may need to use their authority to reprimand or even terminate staff; however, this is always a last resort, employed only after all other positive strategies have been exhausted. Ultimately, a good leader lives sacrificially for the benefit of others, always desiring the success of their team as well as the success of the agency.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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Characteristics of a Controlling Personality

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Generally, controlling people are self-absorbed and insensitive toward others. They push to get their own way and manipulate circumstances and people to achieve their own agendas. They care mainly about themselves and see others as a means to an end. When feeling threatened, they may resort to unethical behavior to destroy their opponents. They do not understand or appreciate freedom and grace. 

Controlling PersonControlling others involves breaking them down, destroying their self-worth, and degrading them psychologically and emotionally, sometimes even resorting to social and physical abuse. In many cases, controlling individuals lack the capacity to enjoy a mature, loving relationship because their thoughts are consumed with self, and they do not know how to love sacrificially for the benefit of others. They do not know how to love graciously, freely, with an open hand, expecting nothing in return. They give only to get. They may use the word “love,” but it’s only as a means to an end, to serve their own selfish programs and not the well-being of others. People are seen as objects to be manipulated, not individuals to be loved.

These are my observations as I’ve dealt with controlling people over the years. A controlling person can be male or female, religious or irreligious, old or young, rich or poor, educated or uneducated, and belong to any ethnic group. A controlling person may fit some or all of characteristics below. I’ve modified the list a few times, and may make corrections in the future. 

  1. The controlling personalities operate primarily from a base of power, not reason. This first point is very important to understand, for what follows is based on it. Often, we don’t understand the reasoning behind controlling persons’ behavior, when in fact, there is no consistent reason, because reason is not the base of operations; power is. Reason is employed as it benefits them and advances their power. Remember: rational words only work with rational minds, and the controlling personality is not always rational.
  2. Controlling people often like positions of authority (politician, professor, doctor, CEO, pastor, etc.). Being in control of others makes them feel important, powerful, and secure (authority is legitimate, but arrogant people abuse their authority and hurt the innocent). The problem with arrogant people is that they rarely see their own faults, but only the faults of others. Their hubris prevents them from being open to genuine discussion about change. Humble people do not abuse their positions of authority, but see themselves as servant-leaders, open to discussion, correction, and willing to make sacrifices for others (Phil 2:3-4).
  3. Controlling people often will try to destroy your confidence through subtle criticisms that keep you on the defensive, making you feel self-conscious all the time and walking on eggshells. The gradual chipping away at your self-esteem leaves you deflated, feeling insignificant, and eventually makes you feel like you have no value at all (criticism can be valid if it is followed with loving correction that builds the other person up). Scripture teaches we are to encourage one another (1 Th 5:11, 14; Heb 3:13) and build each other up (Rom 14:19), but controlling people prefer only destructive criticism.
  4. Controlling people will sometimes recruit others to help coerce or control you. Sometimes these other people are unsuspecting participants and may not know they are being used to cause harm.[1]
  5. Controlling people will sometimes use your past, or even your weaknesses, against you. This is unfortunate because in any relationship there must be trust, and this means sharing things about your past and perhaps areas where you may struggle. Controlling people will exploit these areas to their own advantage, either to keep you in their grip or to assassinate your character with others.
  6. Controlling individuals, such as bosses, may use ignoring or avoiding tactics to push others away or drive them to quit. By deliberately disregarding attempts to communicate or completely avoiding interactions, they create a sense of frustration and helplessness in their targets. This intentional neglect can make the affected person feel undervalued or insignificant, leading them to withdraw or abandon their efforts. These strategies not only reinforce the controller’s dominance but also manipulate the victim into conforming to their desired outcome, whether it’s stepping back from a relationship, a project, or a specific action.
  7. If threatened, controlling people will at times seek to cut off your friends (isolate you) or try to discredit or destroy your reputation in order to keep you under their controlling influence. The general rule is: what they cannot control, they will seek to destroy (psychologically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and in some cases physically).
  8. Controlling people are often concerned with their own appearance and with the appearance of those within their grip. This helps them try to control the perception of others beyond their grasp (it’s good to be well dressed, but the emphasis should be on loving character more than appearance).
  9. Controlling people sometimes want to associate with important individuals because this adds to their own image of importance. Relationships are a means to an end, and this should always be kept in mind (sometimes we will know socially important people, but it’s wrong to flaunt our relationships with them for personal gain).
  10. Controlling people will rarely admit they are wrong, even when evidence is provided. This is important because arguing becomes an exercise in futility and frustration (humble individuals will readily admit their faults and be open to loving correction).
  11. Controlling people rarely change (since this requires humility), so it’s better to quietly leave the relationship if possible (especially if you’re in danger of harm). When leaving a controlling relationship, don’t worry about explaining yourself, as they will most likely not understand your words or actions. They will not be happy with your choice, but they’re not happy anyway, so you might as well be free from the controlling influence and seek a more mature relationship.

Broken ChainsThose who have suffered prolonged exposure to controlling people can lose self-confidence and personal joy unless they learn and develop strong coping skills. If good coping skills are developed, those who have suffered can grow and become better rather than bitter. The pursuit of God, wisdom, and good friends can lead to healing, but this takes time. If possible, it’s best to avoid controlling people altogether; however, don’t be rude if/when you encounter them. The Apostle Paul said, “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Rom 12:17-18). Be the better person. Treat them with grace and love, even though they do not show it to you. Seek to grow and be more than what they are to you. For coping skills, please see the related articles below. 

Dr. Steven R. Cook

Related Articles:

  1. The Gospel Explained
  2. Twelve Ways to Deal with a Bad Boss  
  3. Free Grace Salvation
  4. Let God Repay Those Who Hurt You  
  5. Alexander the Coppersmith – Dealing With Hurt  
  6. Biblical Self-Talk  
  7. Commitment Love  
  8. Two Kinds of Forgiveness with People  
  9. A Primer on the Doctrine of Separation  
  10. The Characteristics of a Christian Leader 
  11. What Does it Mean to Be a Man? 
  12. Why Believers Show No Grace  
  13. The Value of Suffering  
  14. Mature Christian Love  
  15. Commitment Love
  16. Bible Promises that Strengthen our Faith  
  17. Dealing with Fools  
  18. Choosing Righteous Friends  
  19. Choose a Christian Spouse  
  20. Love your Enemies  

[1] This happened to me back in 2002 when I was pastoring a Southern Baptist Church in Central Texas. The head deacon was disturbed that I did not perform traditional altar calls at the end of the church service (they are not biblical) and argued with me for hours, trying to force me to comply (it was a very unpleasant experience). When I politely refused, he quietly and quickly spread lies within the congregation and engaged in character assassination. After winning over many unsuspecting church members, he inspired a coup d’etat, and within a few days I was unjustly and forcefully voted out of the church. The control-freak won and the church lost its pastor and a third of the members walked out of the morning service. I was deeply hurt by the matter and still bear scars. Over the years I’ve had other—less traumatic—experiences with controlling church leaders. 

Biblical Wisdom

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The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel: to know wisdom and instruction, to discern the sayings of understanding, to receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice and equity; to give prudence to the naive, to the youth knowledge and discretion, a wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel, to understand a proverb and a figure, the words of the wise and their riddles. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. (Proverbs 1:1-7)

       According to verses 2-6 we see a five-fold purpose for Proverbs: 1) “to know wisdom and instruction,” 2) “to discern the sayings of understanding,” 3) “to receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice and equity,” 4) “to give prudence to the naïve,” and 5) “to understand a proverb and a figure, the words of the wise and their riddles.”

     The Hebrew word hokmah (translated “wisdom” in verse 2) appears forty-five times in the book of Proverbs and is the common theme of the book.  In a general sense, wisdom is the knowledge necessary to perform a task successfully.  Overall, the book of Proverbs is a compilation of wise sayings which provide the necessary instruction for making good choices in life.  The book of Proverbs belongs to that group of biblical literature classified as wisdom writings; and the didactic nature of Proverbs made it useful for parents who wanted to instruct their children, as well as teachers who wanted to instruct their students.  A proverb is a concise and pithy statement that summarizes an experience or compares two things; thus capturing a principle that benefits one throughout his life.  Often it is teaching by analogy. 

       In verse 7 Solomon tells his readers that “the fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; [whereas] fools despise wisdom and instruction.”  In this antithetical parallelism, Solomon contrasts the healthy humble minded person who fears the LORD with the arrogant person who shuns Him. The attitude of the heart determines how a person responds to God’s revelation. The person who fears God respects His authority and responds properly to His word. The fool is the one who is devoid of God’s word, or rejects it after hearing it.

       The Bible contrasts divine wisdom which comes from God, and worldly wisdom which ultimately comes from Satan (James 3:15-17).  Divine wisdom is the knowledge necessary to perform a task in conformity to His standards and values.  Examples of divine wisdom include:

  1. Artistic wisdom: The ability to create works of art (e.g. the artisans who created the garments for Levitical priests as well as the articles of worship in the Jewish Temple, Ex. 28:3; 31:2-5; 1 Ki. 7:14).
  2. Academic wisdom: The ability to learn about God’s world (e.g. zoology, biology, botany, etc.) and write books (e.g. Solomon’s proverbs and songs, 1 Ki. 4:29-34).
  3. Judicial wisdom: The ability to decide legal matters for God’s people (e.g. Judges, Solomon, etc. 1 Ki. 16:28).
  4. Military wisdom: The ability to defeat God’s enemies (e.g. Joshua, David; Prov. 20:18; 21:22; 24:6).
  5. Governing wisdom: The ability to leads God’s people into His will (e.g. Joseph, Moses, Nehemiah, Church Elders, etc.).
  6. Serving wisdom: The ability to meet the needs of others (e.g. Deacons, Acts 6:3).
  7. Teaching wisdom: The ability to communicate clearly God’s Word to others (e.g. Moses, Paul, etc., Col. 1:9).
  8. Spiritual wisdom: The ability to live God’s will in accordance with His Word.

       Worldly wisdom is the knowledge required to live in Satan’s fallen world, has the appearance of real wisdom, but is actually deceptive and seeks to ensnare people in Satan’s schemes (Ex. 7:11; Col. 2:23; Jas. 3:14-15).  Those who are called wise in a worldly sense are actually fools by God’s estimation.  The majority of people in this world operate according to worldly wisdom and live their lives outside of God’s will.

       Examples of worldly wise men include the magicians of Pharaoh’s court who were demonically enabled to replicate some of the miracles performed by Moses (Ex. 7:11), and Nebuchadnezzar’s counselors who claimed to be able to interpret dreams and have spiritual insight into his future (Dan. 2:12-18).  The apostle Paul spoke out against worldly judgments which have “the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence” (Col. 2:23); and James admonished his readers to be on guard against “bitter jealousy and selfish ambition” which is a wisdom that “does not come down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic” (Jam. 3:14-15).  In the end, worldly wisdom is always Satan-serving; whereas divine wisdom is always God-serving. 

       We do well to know that it is possible to lose wisdom and become a fool.  We know that even Lucifer was once wise, for the prophet Ezekiel tells us that he had “the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty” (Ezek. 28:12).  Ezekiel goes on to say that Lucifer’s “heart was lifted up” because of his beauty and his wisdom became corrupted by reason of his splendor (Ezek. 28:17).  From within himself Satan’s wisdom was turned to foolishness.  Through Isaiah the prophet, God gives us a glimpse into Satan’s mind, and tells us what he was thinking in his heart.  At the time of his foolishness Satan declared:

“I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God, and I will sit on the mount of assembly in the recesses of the north. ‘I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.” (Isa. 14:13-14)

       Lucifer’s pride caused his fall.  He created his kingdom of darkness when he sinned, and through temptation he brought down to death the first humans when he convinced them to turn from God and follow his advice (Gen. 3:1-8).  Now all men are born into this world of darkness, into Satan’s kingdom, born in Adam, born in sin.  The minds of all men are darkened by the sin nature and have a propensity toward foolishness.  Even after regeneration, men’s minds are not suddenly wise, but still dark from all the world’s philosophies.  Two things must happen before a saved person can have God’s wisdom: 1) he must learn to fear the Lord, and 2) he must discipline his mind to seek truth.  The fear of the Lord and seeking truth go together like two sides of a coin.

       The fear of the Lord is to acknowledge Him as Lord and His right to rule over our lives and to respond with obedience.  Solomon declares that we are to “fear God and keep His commandments” (Eccl. 12:13).  The fear of the Lord is that healthy reverence the believer has for God, knowing that He is the Sovereign Lord of the universe, and that as His creature we do well to submit to Him. 

       To seek truth means we apply our minds to know God’s word, and once we know it, to apply His truth to every area of our lives.  Jesus declared “the man who hears my words and does them shall be compared to a wise man who built his house upon the rock” (Matt. 7:24).  Here, Jesus tells us the wise man is the one who hears His words and does them.  There is order here, for one cannot live what he does not know, and knowledge of God’s word must precede application to life. 

       Jesus, as our role-model, spent His entire life learning and living by His Father’s teaching.  Luke tells us that Jesus, as a child, “continued to grow and become strong, increasing in wisdom” (Luke 2:40).  Messiah, speaking in Isaiah 50:4 states, “He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear to listen as a disciple.”  Jesus woke each morning to give His ear to the Father’s instruction.  Mark tells us in his Gospel, “In the early morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, and went away to a secluded place, and was praying there” (Mark 1:35).  It is healthy to fear the Lord and seek His instruction for every area of our life.

     God’s greatest expression of wisdom is the cross of Christ.  To those who hold to worldly wisdom, “the word of the cross is foolishness” (1 Cor. 1:18).  To those who are saved, the cross of Christ is “the power of God and the wisdom of God” (1 Cor. 1:24).  Divine wisdom always leads one to God through the cross of Christ.  Any so-called wisdom that does not lead one ultimately to the cross of Christ is pseudo-wisdom.  God has rejected the world’s wisdom, and the world has rejected His. 

       One knows he has found wisdom when he has found the Lord; for true wisdom exists only in relation to Him.  One knows he is growing in wisdom when he fears the Lord, respecting His authority and doing the things that are pleasing in His sight.  The believer is benefited  and God is honored, when His word is understood and obeyed on a regular basis. 

       The wise believer knows his place in God’s creation; that he is the creature, and God is the Creator, and there is submission one to the Other.  The fool is the one who blurs the creator/creature distinction, and sets his will against the will of God.  The fool is devoid of God’s wisdom, and his words and actions reveal his darkened heart.  On the other hand, the wise man learns God’s word that he may live His will, and this too is revealed through his words and actions. 

       Lastly, the wise believer seeks to incorporate God’s word into every area of his life, and does not compartmentalize, leaving some areas to self.  Wisdom gives order and purpose to life, and affords one the knowledge necessary to make good choices.  The wise believer is able to understand the world around him, and knows why things are the way they are, and why people behave the way they do.   Wisdom gives one hope for the future, because Christ is coming back, and He will reign in righteousness and truth (Rev. 20:1-6). 

Below are forty Scriptural truths regarding biblical wisdom:

  1. The Lord possesses and operates by His wisdom (Ps. 104:24; Prov. 3:19; Jer. 10:12).
  2. Wisdom comes from the Lord (1 Kings 3:12; Prov. 2:6; Dan. 2:21; Jas. 1:5).
  3. God’s wisdom is found in Scripture (Ps. 19:7; 119:98; Jer. 8:9; 2 Tim. 3:15).
  4. Jesus, while in hypostatic union, had to learn wisdom day by day (Lu. 2:40, 52; Isa. 50:4).
  5. Wisdom is better than riches (Prov. 8:11; 16:16).
  6. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Ps. 111:10; Prov. 1:7; 9:10).
  7. Wisdom resides first in what we think, then in what we say and do (Ps. 51:6; Col. 4:5).
  8. The humble receive wisdom (Prov. 11:2).
  9. Wisdom can be communicated by speech or writing (1 Ki. 11:41; Prov. 15:7; 1 Cor. 2:6-8, 13).
  10. The one who loves his soul seeks wisdom (Prov. 19:8; 24:14).
  11. Wisdom is pleasant to the soul (Prov. 2:10).
  12. Wisdom is better than strength (Eccl. 9:14-16).
  13. A wise man accepts reproof and instruction (Prov. 9:8-9; 10:8).
  14. The wise man has persuasive speech (Prov. 16:23).
  15. The wise man boasts of the Lord (Jer. 9:23-24).
  16. The wise man accepts Jesus as his savior (1 Cor. 1:18-31).
  17. Christ is the wisdom and power of God (1 Cor. 1:24).
  18. The wise man walks in righteousness (Hos. 14:9).
  19. The wise man hears and acts on the words of Christ (Matt. 7:24).
  20. The wise man engages in good deeds done in gentleness (Jas. 3:13).
  21. The wise man controls his temper (Prov. 29:11).
  22. The wise person avoids intoxication (Prov. 20:1).
  23. Military victory comes by wise guidance (Prov. 20:18; 21:22; 24:6).
  24. Wise men hang-out together (Prov. 13:20; 15:31).
  25. The wise decide judicial matters (Ezra 7:25; 1 Cor. 6:1-7).
  26. The woman of excellence speaks wisdom (Prov. 31:26).
  27. The wise parent disciplines his child (Prov. 29:15).
  28. A wise child is better than a foolish ruler (Eccl. 4:13).
  29. The wise child accepts his parents discipline (Prov. 13:1).
  30. A wise son makes his father and mother happy (Prov. 23:15, 24; 27:11; 29:3).
  31. Wisdom helps a man understand his culture (Eccl. 1:13).
  32. Wisdom helps the believer discern the future (Deut. 32:29).
  33. One does not have to be old to be wise (Dan. 1:4; Matt. 11:25).
  34. Wisdom leads one away from evil (Prov. 3:7; 14:16).
  35. The wise man learns from nature and others (Prov. 6:5; 24:30-34).
  36. An accepted bribe blinds the eyes of the wise (Deut. 16:19).
  37. The wisdom of the world is foolishness (1 Cor. 3:19).
  38. The fool is the one who rejects and despises wisdom (Prov. 1:7; 23:9).
  39. The rod of suffering belongs to the one who lacks wisdom (Prov. 10:13; 14:3).
  40. There is a worldly/demonic wisdom (Ex. 7:11; Col. 2:23; Jas. 3:14-15).

Dr. Steven R. Cook

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