When people are hurt, they sometimes react by feeling the urge to seek revenge. They may want to take matters into their own hands and hurt the offending party, believing that doing so will balance the scales of justice. Revenge begins with a mental attitude in which they desire to harm someone for the injury or offense caused, whether the injury or offense is real or imagined. This desire to retaliate often leads to actions intended to hurt the offender, whether physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, financially, or legally. The desire for revenge can be accompanied by intense emotions that amplify the sense of injustice in their minds, causing them to relive the hurt repeatedly. This can lead to mental bondage as they continually recall the offense. When they feel helpless and victimized by someone, hurting the offender can create a sense of empowerment. While it is true that personal revenge might bring temporary closure or satisfaction, it can also establish a destructive pattern of behavior that becomes exhausting and unending, as they feel compelled to retaliate against every perceived offender. God’s Word addresses this issue of dealing with those who cause hurt, providing clear guidance on how they should respond.
First, there is the positive directive concerning how to treat offenders. Jesus said, “I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28). As Christians, we live in a fallen world and are surrounded by fallen people who, often unknowingly, help advance Satan’s agenda. These fallen people are identified as our enemies who operate by the mental attitude of hatred, openly curse us, and will mistreat us if given the opportunity. Being an adversary who operates on hate, and who curses and mistreats us, are all things that do not rise to the level of dangerous harm. Even a slap on the cheek, or stealing our clothing (Luke 6:29) does not constitute a life-threatening situation that requires self-defense. Loving others does NOT mean:
- It does not mean we expose ourselves to unnecessary harm. There were times when God’s people hid from their enemies (1 Ki 18:13; Acts 9:23-25). Jesus faced hostile people, who at one time “picked up stones to throw at Him, but Jesus hid Himself and went out of the temple” (John 8:59). Paul was greatly hurt by a man named “Alexander the coppersmith,” whom he told Timothy, “did me much harm” (2 Tim 4:14a). Paul then warned Timothy, saying, “Be on guard against him yourself, for he vigorously opposed our teaching” (2 Tim 4:15).
- It does not mean we trust all people. Jesus loved everyone, but He did not entrust Himself to all people, even believers. John tells us there were many who “believed in His name” (John 2:23), but then tells us that “Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men” (John 2:24).
- It does not mean we fail to rebuke others when needed. When Jesus was traveling to Jerusalem, He passed by a village of the Samaritans (Luke 9:51-52) whose residents “did not receive Him, because He was traveling toward Jerusalem” (Luke 9:53). Luke tells us, “When His disciples James and John saw this, they said, ‘Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?’” (Luke 9:54). But this was a wrong attitude, so Jesus “turned and rebuked them, and said, ‘You do not know what kind of spirit you are of’” (Luke 9:55).
- It does not mean we interact or befriend people who are hostile to God (Prov 13:20). Solomon said, “Do not associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man, or you will learn his ways and find a snare for yourself” (Prov 22:24-25). Scripture also states, “do not associate with a gossip” (Prov 20:19), and “do not associate with rebels” (Prov 24:21), for “Bad company corrupts good morals” (1 Cor 15:33; cf. 1 Cor 5:11). The apostle Paul, when writing to Timothy, described the sinful attitudes and actions of people committed to godlessness (2 Tim 3:1-5a), and told his friend to “avoid such men as these” (2 Tim 3:5).
- It does not mean we forfeit the right to defend ourselves physically or legally when we come under attack. Paul, who at one time took a beating with rods (Acts 16:22-23), later used legal force by exercising his rights as a Roman citizen to protect himself from a flogging that might have killed him (Acts 22:25-29). And Paul eventually appealed to Caesar, hoping to gain a just trial (Acts 25:7-12).
By wisdom we come to know when to turn the other cheek and when to stand up and push back, as self-defense is valid if the injury rises to the level of great physical harm, is life-threatening, or threatens to harm or kill a loved one (see my article on Is Self-Defense Biblical?). Even though we may defend ourselves, we must never stoop to the place of hatred toward our enemies, but must always maintain love for them and be willing to forgive and help if/when possible.
As Jesus’ disciples, we are to love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse us, and pray for those who mistreat us. All four of Jesus’ directives are in the imperative mood, which means they are commands to be understood and obeyed. To love our enemy means we care about them and seek God’s best in their life. To do good to those who hate us means we are kind and giving when possible. To bless our enemy means we wish them well rather than harm. To pray for our enemy means we ask God to save and bless them, even though they seek to mistreat us. Love manifests itself by doing good, blessing, and praying for those who hate us. This is not mere passivity, but requires great discipline of the mind and will, which can be contrary to our emotions. Nor does such behavior imply weakness on our part. Jesus, the theanthropic person, possessed all power sufficient to destroy His enemies, yet He restrained His power for the sake of love and grace. Divine truth, not feelings, must be what guides our thoughts, words, and actions. Paul, when writing to Christians in Rome, used similar language, saying, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse” (Rom 12:14). As Christians, when we think and act this way, we are like the “sons of the Most-High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men” (Luke 6:35). This is accomplished by faith and not feelings.
Second, there is a negative directive in which we are not to retaliate or seek personal revenge. The Lord said, “You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD” (Lev 19:18). The apostle Paul said, “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people” (1 Th 5:15). Peter wrote, “All of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Pet 3:8-9). Solomon wrote, “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil;’ wait for the LORD, and He will save you” (Prov 20:22). The challenge for us is to put the offense in God’s hands, trusting He sees, and that He will dispense justice in His time and way. For this reason, Scripture states, “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God” (Rom 12:17-19a; cf. Deut 32:35; Heb 10:30). Again, this requires discipline of mind and will, and is executed by faith and not feelings.
Third, place the matter in the Lord’s hands and let Him dispense justice in His time and way. The Bible teaches that God is the “Judge of all the earth” (Gen 18:25) and that He dispenses justice upon those whose who deserve it. Scripture reveals the Lord is a “God of vengeance” (Psa 94:1) and will punish the wicked. And Nahum tells us, “A jealous and avenging God is the LORD; the LORD is avenging and wrathful. The LORD takes vengeance on His adversaries, and He reserves wrath for His enemies” (Nah 1:2). God told the Israelites if they listen to His voice, “Then I will be an enemy to your enemies and an adversary to your adversaries” (Ex 23:22). Paul, after instructing Christians not to seek their own revenge, explained that God will handle the matter, saying, “for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Rom 12:19b; cf. Deut 32:35; Heb 10:30). And again, “It is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6). Even Paul did not seek his own revenge when hurt by Alexander the coppersmith, but said, “the Lord will repay him according to his deeds” (2 Tim 4:14).
It is true that God may extend grace to His enemies and those who hurt us, as He gives them time to repent and turn to Him for forgiveness. We must always remember that we were God’s enemies and terrible sinners before we came to faith in Christ, and God waited patiently for us (see Rom 5:8-10), for God is “not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance” (2 Pet 3:9). But God’s grace does not last forever. At death, all of life’s decisions are fixed, and what the unbeliever does with Christ in time determines his eternal destiny. If a person goes his entire life rejecting God’s grace, not believing in Christ as Savior (John 3:16; 1 Cor 15:3-4), then he will stand before God at the Great White Throne judgment and afterwards will be cast into the Lake of Fire (Rev 20:11-15). It is at that time that God will deal out “retribution to those who do not know God and to those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. These will pay the penalty of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of His power” (2 Th 1:8-9).
Fourth, if we fail to follow the Lord’s directives to love, do good, bless, and pray for our enemies, and instead decide to take matters into our own hands and seek revenge, then we are sinning against God and open ourselves up to divine discipline. The very punishment we may seek to inflict upon our enemies may be administered to us by the Lord, and this because we are walking by sinful values rather than being obedient-to-the-Word believers. However, if we put the matter in the Lord’s hands and let Him dispense justice in His time and way, we can rest assured that He will bring it to pass, for He says, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay” (Rom 12:19b), and it is “just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6). Plus, when we learn and live God’s Word by faith it frees us from the tyranny of hurt feelings which can be fatiguing to the mind and toxic to the soul.
Summary
In closing, we are to obey the words of Jesus, who tells us to “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28). Assuming the hostility never rises to the level of requiring self-defense (which does not negate loving the attacker), we are to tolerate the hostility and abuse and respond in love by doing good, blessing, and praying for our enemies. It’s ok to hurt, but not to hate. Operating from divine viewpoint, we walk by faith and trust God to handle the matter, knowing He is the “Judge of all the earth” (Gen 18:25) and that “it is just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you” (2 Th 1:6), as God states, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay” (Rom 12:19b). In this way, we will follow the example set by Jesus, who, “while being reviled, He did not revile in return; and while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Pet 2:23). If we live as God directs, abiding by the royal family honor code, then He will dispense justice upon our attackers in His time and way. The challenge for us is to discipline ourselves to learn God’s Word and live by faith, not our hurt feelings or circumstances.
Steven R. Cook, D.Min., M.Div.
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- The Free Gift of God is Eternal Life
- The Gospel Explained
- A Look at Grace
- Walking with God
- Enjoying the Spiritual Life
- Biblical Self-Talk
- Knowing and Doing the Will of God
- The High Calling of God’s Servant
- The Armor of God
- The Life of Faith
- The Righteous Lifestyle of the Believer
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The bad boss can be threatening, unpredictable, hostile, and irrational. He generally feels insecure and does not like the thought of being out of control. This leads to a totalitarian style of leadership, which hinders optimal performance and makes staff feel undervalued. The bad boss is arrogant, and arrogant people rarely see their own faults; only the faults of others. He generally lacks the ability to introspect and does not care that others are damaged by his leadership. Once the bad boss does not like you, almost anything you say or do, no matter how great, will be viewed critically and devalued. He seeks to tear you down, only to defeat and destroy you. He cares little about you or your growth or success. He communicates very little or provides misleading information, is hostile, and will criticize you on a personal level rather than discuss your work. Sometimes the bad boss won’t fire you; rather, he’ll work to make your environment so toxic that you’ll get frustrated and leave.