Some years ago, I suffered under a toxic boss who had a very controlling personality. She meticulously managed her public image, maintaining a polished but fake charm, and used relationships to maintain her power. Despite her initial charm, her character flaws became evident over time. On several occasions, I witnessed her using intimidation tactics with staff, shutting them down in an unjust and cold manner. Over the years, I saw others suffer under her abusive leadership, with most resigning out of frustration. Her noxious behavior created a psychologically harmful work environment, undermining trust and morale among the staff. Many avoided her whenever possible.

For years, I felt dread toward her due to her overly critical, unpredictable, and harsh behavior. Other employees shared this sentiment, anticipating her criticism or unfair treatment. This dread created a tense work environment, damaging morale and productivity. As a bully boss, she used her authority to intimidate and mistreat employees through cold looks, constant criticism, unfair demands, and threats. This pervasive anxiety affected every aspect of the workday, leading to unwarranted stress, decreased job satisfaction, and physical symptoms like tense muscles and migraines (which I experienced for years). Her poor leadership broke down team cohesion. Over time, I noticed that she would hide her behavior by presenting a completely different persona to the board or outside observers. She acted charming, competent, or even supportive in their presence, creating a stark contrast with how she treated us. This made it difficult for me and others to prove her bullying.

I tried to reason with her on multiple occasions about work-related matters, but she wouldn’t listen and appeared closed-minded. She then began a process of elimination by marginalizing me, ignoring me in person, and in public settings. This tactic made me feel isolated, devalued, and unsupported, which felt like a betrayal and was very demoralizing. Her acts of rejection, ignoring me, and social isolation were very painful and caused me to experience psychological and emotional disequilibrium. Her lack of communication created uncertainty, making me feel insecure about my job status, performance, and future with the company. Her betrayal as a trusted supervisor hurt me. Biblically, David experienced the pain of betrayal, lamenting, “My friend, the one I trusted completely, the one who shared my food, has turned against me” (Psalm 41:9). Even Jesus “was deeply troubled” when Judas was about to betray Him (John 13:21). As people, none of us are exempt from the hurt caused when a trusted person turns against us for no good reason.

Having never experienced this kind of toxic behavior before, I found myself mentally and emotionally derailed and, for a while, did not know how to deal with it. I was completely caught off guard, and it took me several months to recognize the pattern of what was happening, to make sense of my mental and emotional state, and develop a strategy to fight against feeling devalued as a human being. For a short time, I experienced depression and sought professional medical help from my doctor, which was helpful.

As a Christian, I naturally turned to the Lord, prayed constantly, read a lot of Scripture, claimed Bible promises, and decided to live by faith. I was hurt but chose not to hate. In dealing with the hurt and challenges posed by my toxic supervisor, I began a journey of developing biblical coping mechanisms that helped sustain me mentally and emotionally.

My first course of action was to reprioritize my life and give attention to what mattered most. The years of dealing with a toxic boss had negatively impacted my marriage. After reflecting on my situation at work, I decided to step down from my position and assume a lesser role that removed me from daily interaction with my supervisor. I had to take a cut in pay, but I thought it was necessary given my painful circumstances at work. The subsequent separation from my boss was healthy, as it removed me from the line of fire. It took me a few months to recalibrate my thoughts and feelings, but after seeking medical help and digging deeply into God’s Word, the dark clouds rolled away, and the sun began to shine again in my life. What follows are some of the practices I employed during my time of dealing with a toxic boss, and these continue to be part of my daily routine.

1. Meditate on God’s Word. David wrote of the righteous person who delights “in the law of the LORD, and in His law he meditates day and night” (Psa 1:2; cf. Josh 1:8). Elsewhere it is written, “O how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day” (Psa 119:97). Paul wrote, “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God” (Col 3:16). Meditating on Scripture involves more than just reading it. It encompasses a consistent practice of engaging with the text, allowing its teachings to permeate the mind. This process includes regularly reading passages from the Bible and taking time to ponder their meanings and implications. Throughout the day, meditation on Scripture encourages reflection on how its principles apply to daily life. This practice helps integrate biblical wisdom into everyday living and supports spiritual growth. This was essential for me during this difficult time.
2. Manage my thoughts. Disciplining my mind to focus on God rather than my problems was critical. Isaiah wrote, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” (Isa 26:3). Paul wrote, “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ” (2 Cor 10:5). I learned that the stability of the Christian life depends, to a large degree, on the biblical content and continuity of my thinking. It’s not only what I think but also what I continue to think about that brings mental peace. If I focus on problems rather than God, my peace fades.
3. Live by faith. I understand the Christian life starts and ends with faith, which provides stability for my soul during difficult times. God said, “My righteous one shall live by faith” (Heb 10:38a). I need to trust God at His Word, claiming His promises and obeying His directives. Scripture teaches me to “walk by faith, not by sight” (2 Cor 5:7) and to “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight” (Prov 3:5-6). As a Christian, I need to “trust in Him at all times” (Psa 62:8a) because “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psa 46:1). My challenge was to make sure my faith was greater than my feelings.
4. Don’t complain. It’s easy for me to start complaining when I’m under attack, especially if I feel it’s unjust. However, I must be careful because once I start down this road, it becomes increasingly difficult to turn back, and complaining does not solve my problems. Scripture tells me, “Do all things without complaining or arguing” (Phil 2:14) and “Be hospitable to one another without complaint” (1 Pet 4:9). I must admit, this was challenging for me, but I realize complaining fixes nothing and can actually create a path for mental attitude sins to develop. As difficult as it was for me, I chose a faith response to “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; and in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you [me] in Christ Jesus” (1 Th 5:16-18). This helped shield my soul from the intruding darkness that confronted me.
5. Pray for leadership. God’s Word directs me to pray for leaders, and I made it a discipline to pray for my boss on a daily basis. Paul wrote, “I urge that entreaties and prayers, petitions and thanksgivings, be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority, so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity” (1 Tim 2:1-2). Praying for leadership is an act of faith and obedience to God, even though a leader may be unjust. I did not approve of my supervisor’s values and practices, but I did not hate her either. I chose to pray for her and to seek God’s best in her life.
6. Respect leadership. Respecting leadership can be challenging, especially when I realize those in positions of leadership may not operate according to the same ethical standards that guide me. It helps me to understand that respect does not mean approval. Peter wrote, “Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable. For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly” (1 Pet 2:18-19). This was accomplished by faith and not feelings.
7. Realize God uses difficulties to develop my character. God sometimes places me in the furnace of affliction to burn away the dross of weak character and to refine the golden qualities He wants to see in me. And whenever He turns up the heat, He never takes His hand off the thermostat. My response is always to be one of faith, as I trust Him in the trial. Paul wrote, “we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope” (Rom 5:3-4). To “rejoice” in problems is surely an act of faith. James wrote similarly, saying, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing” (Jam 1:2-4). My faith was not always as strong as I would have liked, and there were times when darkness invaded my soul. Still, I learned to apply these verses to my boss and situation and, over time, grew stronger.
8. Disassociate when possible. David wrote, “I do not associate with deceitful men, or consort with those who are dishonest” (Psa 26:4). David wanted to be a person of humility, truth, and righteousness, and because he understood that “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Cor 15:33), he chose to disassociate from people marked by deceit and dishonesty. David’s choice to separate highlights his commitment to a life of integrity and devotion to God. Spiritual health sometimes necessitates, when possible, separating from those who operate by worldly values that are contrary to God and His Word.
9. Avoid trouble when possible. God’s Word directs me to make good choices, and sometimes this means being wise by avoiding unethical and harmful people. Solomon wrote, “A shrewd person sees danger and hides himself, but the naïve keep right on going and suffer for it” (Prov 22:3). It is valid, when possible, to avoid the attacks of abusive leaders. David twice fled when Saul tried to kill him with a spear (1 Sam 18:11; 19:10) and refused to retaliate, even when he had the opportunity (1 Sam 24:4-6). Obadiah hid one hundred prophets of the Lord from the hostile attacks of Ahab and Jezebel (1 Ki 18:1-4). Jehosheba hid Joash from the attacks of Athaliah, “So he was hidden with her in the house of the LORD six years, while Athaliah was reigning over the land” (2 Ki 11:3). Twice, it is recorded that Jesus “hid Himself” from some of the hostile Jewish leadership who wanted to kill Him (John 8:59; 12:36). When possible, to mitigate conflict, I avoided my boss by taking a path that circumvented her office or walking past the breakroom when she was there.
10. Defend yourself legally when necessary. Some leaders are abusive, and there may be times when legal action is required as a means of self-protection. On one occasion, the apostle Paul used legal force and exercised his rights as a Roman citizen to protect himself from a flogging (Acts 22:25-29). As Paul was about to be whipped, he asked, “Is it lawful for you to scourge a man who is a Roman and uncondemned?” (Acts 22:25). Once the Roman commander was aware of Paul’s legal status, they “immediately let go of him” (Acts 22:29). On another occasion, when Paul felt he was not getting a fair trial (Acts 25:7-12), he said, “I appeal to Caesar” (Acts 25:11), which was the highest court in the land. Christians have the right, like any law-abiding citizen, to protect themselves by means of legal action against unjust suffering. I did not pursue this option, partly because I did not know what my legal rights were, and the agency did not have an HR at the time to help guide me, so I absorbed the injustice and moved on as best I could.
11. Let God deal out retribution. It is valid for Christians to operate from a place of justice, but never revenge. Scripture states, “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil;’ wait for the LORD, and He will save you” (Prov 20:22). It also says, “Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God” (Rom 12:17-19a). Additionally, it is written, “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people” (1 Th 5:15). Peter wrote, “All of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Pet 3:8-9). God will dispense justice in His time and way, as Paul states, “It is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you, and to give relief to you who are afflicted” (2 Th 1:6-7). I chose to operate from a divine viewpoint and to place the matter in God’s hands, letting Him administer justice as He sees fit.
12. Forgive the offender. I chose to forgive my boss, even though she did not apologize or change her behavior. I think of the words of Jesus, who said, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matt 6:15). It’s interesting that Jesus prayed for those who crucified Him, saying, “Father, forgive them” (Luke 23:34). This did not remove the guilt of His attackers but did express the heart of Jesus toward those who harmed Him. Wanting to be like my Savior, I chose to have a forgiving heart toward my boss. Unconditional forgiveness benefits me personally, for holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. It doesn’t work out very well for me.
13. Maintain integrity. Despite the toxic environment, I needed to act with integrity and pursue righteousness. David wrote, “May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in You” (Psa 25:21). Solomon wrote, “Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out” (Prov 10:9), and “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity” (Prov 11:3). Pursuing integrity meant pursuing God’s will for me, being honest with Him and truthful with others, and abiding by the ethical standards set forth in Scripture.
14. Take time to rest and pray. As a caregiver, it’s important that I make time to rest and pray, for I cannot pour from an empty vessel. Even Jesus, during His earthly ministry, made time to get away by Himself to rest and pray. In Luke’s Gospel, we’re told, “Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray” (Luke 5:16), and “He went off to the mountain to pray, and He spent the whole night in prayer to God” (Luke 6:12; cf. Matt 14:23). Making time for rest is a necessity for good mental health. Lewis Sperry Chafer wrote, “It is a serious thing to remove the element of relaxation and play from any life. We cannot be normal physically, mentally, or spiritually if we neglect the vital factor in human life. God has provided that our joy shall be full” (Lewis S. Chafer, He That Is Spiritual, p. 61).

In summary, I endured years of dealing with a toxic supervisor, which led to intense emotional and psychological struggles. Initially, I grappled with feelings of betrayal and isolation, but I turned to God and His Word for support and guidance. By employing biblical coping strategies, I found strength, peace, and resilience in the midst of my adversity while maintaining my faith and integrity. I also had to reprioritize my life and make hard choices that ultimately brought about marital, social, and psychological stability.

Dr. Steven R. Cook

If this article has enriched your understanding and walk with Christ, and you feel led to support my ministry, your generosity is greatly appreciated. Your gifts enable me to continue sharing the gospel of grace and providing in-depth biblical teachings. Thank you for partnering with me in this mission.

Related Articles:

• Free Grace Salvation
• The Free Gift of God is Eternal Life
• Two Kinds of Forgiveness with People
• Let God Repay Those Who Mistreat You 
• The Characteristics of a Christian Leader
• The Life of Faith
• Trusting God’s Provisions: Resting in His Promises
• The Integrated Christian: Nurturing Physical, Mental, and Spiritual Health
• Being the Good Boss
• Contrasting Good and Bad Leaders
• What is Integrity
• Characteristics of a Controlling Personality
• Forgiveness in Action
• Walking with God
• Walking Worthy of God’s Call to Service
• Enjoying the Spiritual Life
• Biblical Self-Talk
• The Armor of God
• Submission to Authority – Part 1
• Submission to Authority – Part 2
• Submission to Authority – Part 3

[1] Interestingly, even after Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss (Matt 26:49), Jesus still called him “Friend” (Matt 26:50), which was a final act of grace from a heart of love. Nevertheless, Jesus was troubled by Judas’s betrayal.